Not feeling so good the next day.
Photo: clspeace

Where are we to begin with anything, really? Guess what, it’s time to pull out that key I gave you access to back in 101. Can’t find it? Better go back and do some reading.

Those of you who have it, but were left wondering what the hell to do with it, here’s some helpful hints. Or strategies, if you will.

First, think long and hard about what you really enjoy in your life. Going out and partying with your friends? The ten or fifteen cigarette and coffee breaks you take during the workday? Smoking a lot of pot and eating two king sized Twix followed by a pint of Ben&Jerry’s for dessert?

Ok, I’m not here to tell you any of that is bad, or that YOU are bad for not only partaking in the ruckus, but thoroughly enjoying it. I’m here to ask you why you fully enjoy it.

Yep, it’s pen and paper time. Whether two-hour morning hikes give you that truly satisfied feeling, or shotgunning beers at age 38 is your thing, I want you to write down why you enjoy it. And don’t say, “because it’s fun.” Or, “I like getting fu’ud up.” Dig a little deeper, people.

Maybe something like “I feel connected to my friends when we go out drinking together.” Or, “my stress levels go down immensely when I smoke a cigarette and have a cup of coffee.” Or, “after a long day of work/family/relationship obligations, smoking a joint and pigging out make me somehow feel satiated.”

Figuring Out The “Why”

I guarantee that the majority of you will find that the underlying aspects of the things you enjoy have to do with 1) relieving stress, 2) connecting with others, or 3) filling a void. None of these things are bad (there’s that word again); in fact, they are all amazing and necessary parts of being human. The next question to answer is, “how does doing [insert behavior here] make me feel physically? Emotionally? Mentally? Maybe even spiritually?”

Now you might start hitting a couple of roadblocks. Say maybe mentally and physically you might feel good while smoking pot, but the next day both of those aspects has gone down the tubes.

Or that cigarette puffing is pure golden heaven until you get on the elliptical. Maybe even your very healthy two-hour-a-day runs are killing your knees and other joints in the process. Hmm, how to integrate these seemingly conflicting responses?

Time to start pairing up the conflicts. So, maybe pot works to “normalize” you. Maybe you feel really hyper all the time, can’t focus, and it just takes the edge off so you can feel at ease with others. Or maybe you are kinda shy, and feel like it is hard to fully express yourself as you are, and pot helps to verbalize what is going on in your mind.

Really take a look at those hidden reasons that are like a recording in the back of your head or deep down in your body. Write down whatever comes to your head, whether you think it is true or not (don’t second guess yourself). You don’t really know they are there until you start paying attention to those internal cues.

Maybe you begin to make some realizations about why you are attracted to certain behaviors. Try not to feel bad or guilty about them–we ALL have some form of these behaviors. They are protection mechanisms, and in some ways, we are being extremely loving to ourselves by participating in them.

Love It Up Right!

You read that right. Being LOVING to yourself. By drinking twice your body weight in ounces of alcohol? Well, to that I ask: don’t we all need a little bit more love and care in our lives? I’m not saying go out and get wasted, but I am saying our bodies know we need TLC (especially when our minds are being over hard on ourselves), and will figure out a way to make it happen.

Love yourself...or big, red objects.
Photo: hsingy

The reasons behind our behaviors, along with the actual behaviors, are never bad, wrong, horrific, or detestable within themselves. Rather, the behaviors that we end up incorporating into our psyche, based on our environment and our genetic pre-disposition, may not truly fulfill us in the way we need.

A way to tell if it might be time to start thinking about shifting (notice “shift”, not eliminate) a behavior is if we sometimes get that nagging feeling like its dragging us down instead of moving us forward. Or if it is just not as fun as it used to be. Even “good” things, like running, or yoga, or meditation (gasp!) may not be working for you anymore.

Maybe it is time to move on to something that better fulfills you. And guess what? Only you can answer whether it is time, by taking the time to consider why you are doing what you are doing, where you are going with it, and how it affects all aspects of the self. All those self-help books can’t force you to be ready if you are not.

Now that’s what it means to be holistic.

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