Photo: Jayel Aheram

Ok, we’ve all had these embarrassing moments:

You notice white flakes on the shoulders of your black sweater.

You’re hiking and the wind blowing on you feels great, but you also notice your distinctive aroma.

You just got taken out to a romantic dinner and when it’s time to get close, either your tummy’s rumbling, you feel like you’ve got to fart, or you can still taste the garlic on your breath.

Oh the joys of bodily weirdness and digestive distress! Hopefully, the person you’re with is cool, loves you for who you are, and won’t judge you for the momentary lapses of politeness.

There are many out there that don’t let a little body political-incorrrectness bog them down. In fact, I’ve met guys who are quite proud of their manly emissions, comparing their out-gassing to the latest hip-hop hit. That’s ok sometimes, and even kind of endearing in a way. But then there are others that just won’t take a hint. I offered gum to someone 3 times in a row once, and he kept refusing (tip: if your date keeps offering you gum or a breath mint, just take it!).

Meanwhile, there are a couple of things that you can do to ensure that you won’t embarrass yourself unnecessarily. For those of us who are in the more self-conscious category, take the following advice from your friendly nutritionist:

Remedies for Embarrassing Ailments

Bad Breath

• Drink 1/4 cup of pure aloe vera gel dissolved in about half a cup of water. Aloe Vera contains B-sitosterol, an anti-inflammatory compound that soothes acid indigestion (a major contributor to the bad breath).


Just a little bit gross/Photo: JOE M500

• If acid indigestion isn’t your problem, start supplementing with probiotics. Take one every morning on an empty stomach. My favorite is the individually blister-packed Culturelle (available at most drug stores). Culturelle has a strain of probiotics called Lactobacillus GG which is really hardy, doesn’t need to be refrigerated, and survives your stomach acid to get to where it needs to be–the small and large intestines. Bonus benefit: you’ll stay regular while you’re traveling!
• Carry fennel seeds in a plastic bag and chew on a couple of them after a meal. This will kill bad breath, plus they’re great for your liver and will help you to better digest your foods.
• Get in the habit of flossing every night before bed. If you want to go the extra mile, you can even scrape your tongue with a scraper. Seriously, getting those little bits out will make morning hanky panky oh so much more enjoyable!

Flatulence and Bloating

• Make caraway seed tea with 1 cup of hot water with 1 tsp caraway seeds. Caraway seeds stifle the enzymatic reaction that causes gas. Plus they taste yummy.
• Take 3 deep breaths before you start eating. Get yourself into the parasympathetic mode and your tummy will thank you for it later. Oh yeah, and chew your food!
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  I feel bloated, man/Photo: JoshBerglund19

  Don’t drink too much water while you’re eating. Drink a bunch before, if you’d like. But once you start eating, don’t have more than about 8oz or you will dilute your stomach juices and this can lead to indigestion and gas.

• Consider a digestive enzyme. In my opinion, pretty much everyone over the age of 30 needs a digestive enzyme. We only have so many enzymes that we can use for digestion. After awhile, your pancreas that releases enzymes gets a little tired. I like Kristazyme, and my clients do too. Look for an enzyme that has amylase (to break down carbs), protease (to break down protein), and lipase (to break down fats). A little lactase to help with milk products doesn’t hurt either. Many people are lactose intolerant which means that ice cream and milk will cause gas, bloating, diarrhea and other annoying things!

Diarrhea

• So you’re in Mexico and despite all of your careful attempts, you got the Montezuma’s Revenge. Is your trip ruined? No!! Hopefully, you remembered to pack some chamomile tea. Seriously, the herb has an antispasmodic effect that stops contractions in the lower intestine. Hooray! Now you can dance all night (assuming you don’t fall asleep from the chamomile!).
• Charcoal tablets will also help. You need to take 4 every hour and this will help to absorb toxins from the body. Works better than Malox, speaking from experience.
• Stay hydrated, make sure to replace electrolytes. Sea salt is full of electrolytes. See if you can get your boyfriend to scale a palm tree for you and shuck a coconut. If he does, he’s a good one, and a keeper! Coconut water is full of electrolytes and by the way, also makes a great hangover cure. Don’t have more than 8 oz. though, because that in and of itself can cause diarrhea!

Dandruff

It happens to the best of us…here’s how to get rid of it.

Dance move or dandruff move?/Photo: JOE M500

• Steep 2 bags of green tea in 1 cup hot water overnight, covered. In the morning, massage the mixture into your hair and rinse. The green tea naturally exfoliates dry flakes without dehydrating the skin.
• Supplement with GLA. This essential fatty acid is nourishing to dry skin. You find GLA in Evening Primrose oil and also in Borage oil. I like Natural Factors Evening Primrose Oil which is Hexane free (a gross processing solvent used in many other brands of the supplement).
• Limit your alcohol and sugars because these feed bad yeasts that can actually contribute to dandruff. If this is not an option, make sure you take probiotics, like the Culturelle mentioned above, and extra B-vitamins that are depleted from alcohol and sugar. Rock on.

Your Lovely Body Odor

• Obviously, shower frequently. If this is not an option, eating fenugreek sprouts will make your sweat smell like maple syrup. I swear, it’s really true! Buy some fenugreek seeds and sprout them. Eating the sprouts is fantastic for liver and kidney detox, plus it has the added benefit of making you smell like a cinnabun. Make a batch before your next camping trip and let me know how that works out for you.
• Deodorant and antiperspirants are problematic. The aluminum in antiperspirants have been linked to alzheimer’s. Many deodorants have parabens in them that have been linked to cancer. Your armpit is home to lymphodes and the lymph system in your body acts like a garbage disposal. You don’t want to clog that up with gunk. Here are the products that I like best: Kiss my Face, Liquid Rock. This product is scent free. If you want a little fragrance, try Herbal Magic, Jasmine Scented Roll-on Deodorant. There’s absolutely nothing harmful in it, it smells great, and works.

Last note on this subject. We all sweat and have our unique smells. Find a partner who is turned on by yours. Pheromones in sweat are powerful information….just follow your nose!