Photo: Ellen Munro

Rules. They really are so passé, aren’t they? Especially when it comes to really and truly living life to its fullest.

I love all of the positive beauty spinning around that seems to step it up a notch every single day (yet don’t forget feeling negative or depressed is a necessary part of being human, and is extremely valid – don’t try and push it away). Reminders are a grand thing, especially when they remind you to get just a little bit closer to the value of you.

On that note, I thoroughly enjoyed this video about the importance of fun (how dare they!) that a friend recently posted on Facebook:

In case you didn’t take notes, I want to quickly outline their eight principles of fun, and add some of my own defining perspectives. This is one of the best video summations of what I have found over the past couple of years to be the necessary “rules” to actually enjoying life, work, and relationships.

• 1. Stop hiding who you really are.

  We are born open-minded, excited about life and every little creature and critter that passes our way. We don’t lie, we don’t try to hide our mangled fingernails or our desire to snag that cookie right out from under the smelly-boy’s hands. We are free, and just as we reach that peak of freedom as children, we are taught freedom isn’t acceptable. We can’t say what we want, we can’t do what we want, we have to fit into a mold defined by someone else – our parents, our teachers, our friends. We spend the next 20 years perfecting this “perfect” self, only to end up in therapy for 10 years trying to unwind that wound-up, frustrated and disconnected self.

  It’s time to connect to what you love – and what you are supposed to do – in this life. It will be hard. You will fall flat on your face. You will get hurt. But as you get closer to that which you are destined for, your heart sings with the raw and previously untouched emotion of completely, totally, and absolutely loving life. I promise you – it’s guaranteed.

  If not now, when?



Photo: ☼emmaphotos

• 2. Start being intensely selfish.

  We take issue with being selfish in Western culture. The more I learn about true happiness, the more I realize how screwed up we are around this idea of selfishness, mostly because our ideas of being selfish center around material things. Wanting a lot of stuff for ourselves is not really selfish – it is a person trying to fill a void. True selfishness is about feeding your spirit: with love, with connection, with work that fulfills you, with rest and rejuvenation, and just a little bit (or a lot) more love.

  It really is an undeniable fact that you need to give to yourself before you can truly give to anyone else. Just today, I had a conversation about working in the social justice world, which I did for most of my 20s. Participating in this work often requires (or seems to) giving up care for the self in order to fight for the rights of others. There are countless instances of working overtime without pay, coming in on weekends, low wages, no healthcare, and back-breaking dedication to the non-profit world, usually without question.

  It wasn’t until the end of my tenure in this sector that I finally started to get it – maybe the work of many social justice organizations would go a lot farther if those who worked within them put themselves first. Most people within this field crack sooner or later, and just burn out. What good does that do for them or the people they have been working for in the long run? Nada.

  True selfishness rocks.

• 3. Stop following the rules.

  Yes! This is certainly where rules should be seen as passé – they are soooo 20th century America, don’t you think? This is where getting rid of all that stuff you were taught as a child and young adult is put to the test; can you stop doing what you are supposed to be doing? Can you stop falling in line at work because you have a family and you are worried about getting fired? Can you start that blog in your “free” (i.e. specifically set aside) time and make it successful even though there are a zillion other blogs out there? Can you make your music, play your basketball, take those photographs, educate others on the positive psychological benefits of roshambo? You gotta stop listening to people that say you can’t, you won’t, you don’t. You gotta break free of those constraints.

  You gotta say, “Hell yeah, I not only kick ass, I also take names.”

• 4. Start scaring yourself.
  Do something that scares the living shit out of you to even contemplate.

  Ask that random hot girl or guy at the coffee shop out. Dig out that poem you wrote 10 years ago and submit it to a magazine. Make love in a Burger King bathroom, living up to Digital Underground’s memories. Point is, do something that scares the living shit out of you to even contemplate, but gives you a mad rush at the same time. That is LIVING.

  And who knows, if you kiss them, they may even kiss you back.

• 5. Stop taking it all so damn seriously.

  Seriously, it’s not that serious. I need to tell myself this over and over again. Probably my biggest trigger is around romantic endeavors, and I’m always so damn worried that I’m going to show my interest to someone who isn’t interested, or lead someone on to whom I’m not attracted. I can’t tell you how much energy and brain power has gone into this area in my life; it really is a bit ridiculous. So what if that guy I’m panting over isn’t interested? He’s gonna forget about me tomorrow, and I probably will too. If I’ve accidentally given a guy the wrong impression, and he gets his ego bruised when I fend off his advances, what does that really matter? Um, not a damn bit.

  This goes way beyond sexy liaisons – it really is the case for all of life in general. Step back for a moment, give it a ponder, and realize it’s only life after all.



Photo: jonrawlinson

• 6. Start getting rid of the crap.

  This means more than just the old backpacks and Christmas boxes stored in the garage (or piles and piles of paper clips, post it notes, and thumbtacks. Damn office supplies…the bane of my existence). To me, more than anything, it means getting rid of what holds you back, especially that ugly old belief system about yourself. You know the one that constantly yells you are not enough – not sexy enough, not smart enough, not capable of taking care of everything you need to take care of. Cause get what? You can. You can actually do it all, and do it well. It just takes some time to integrate all your fabulousness, plus that dose of love, love, love for all that you are, even, and most especially, when you aren’t living up to what or who you think you should be.

  Really, absolute fabulousness.

• 7. Stop being busy.

  Sigh…”but being busy makes me feel successful and fulfilled!” What happens when the busyness is gone (at some point, in all of our lives, it will be)? The fear sets in. The fear that we are no longer worthy because we aren’t busy being, well, busy.

  Meditate. Fer reals.

• 8. Start something.

  As long as you love it, whatever you do will be a success. It will take time, it will take patience, it will drive you to the ends of the Earth with annoyances and it will make you cry with both pain and pleasure.

  JUST DO IT.

Another video to leave you with, one that exemplifies why we should have fun in this life, and not hold on too tight to anything:

When it comes down to it, what do we know?