Photo: WallTea

Discipline is remembering what you really want.

This is a mantra that recently resurfaced in my life, and runs incessantly through my head as a reminder of my daily choices. How many times do we answer the phone or text message out of guilt, even though we cringe at the thought of talking to that person? How often does one consume that last bag of chips or eat those extra cookies because we think, “I can get back on track tomorrow?”

Or better yet, how many of us come home exhausted from what feels like a lifetime at an unfulfilling job, only to venture back out to a friend’s gathering because we fear they will be offended if we don’t show? I speak of such occurrences because these instances in my own life create ill health and imbalance. When I sell my intuition, or “inner knowing” short, I give my energy to that which does not serve me.

For me, resentments crush my spirit, add weight, and a general feeling of unwellness to my body. Then the committees in my head start their debating, thus causing an emotional spiral down to the bottom of a well, one which I fear I will never climb out of.

I then develop coping mechanisms to get through my days, which are rapidly passing by. I have to laugh at how dramatic this sounds, but this is the roller coaster ride that I live on a day-to-day basis.

So how do I help myself maintain equanimity and restore balance to my life?

Photo: bredgur

For me, and anyone else who suffers from a similar ride, learning to say no is key. This is certainly hard for me to do, since I am somewhat addicted to chaos. As a self proclaimed extrovert, I thrive off exciting adventures, entertainment and interacting with people. Alone time is crucial to recharge one’s batteries, yet too much alone time drives me insane.

I am not unlike thousands of others in American culture. I see many people addicted to filling up their social calendars, and when they do have down time, it usually entails getting in some time at the gym, getting caught up on household chores or numbing out to the television or Internet. Who has time to go for walks in nature, deal with their long buried emotional woes or slow down enough to read a book or attend a yoga class, especially when there is Facebook to commiserate on?

We are living in a society full of depression, repression and suppression. Many people ingest pills, make poor nutritional choices, and/or remain in unsatisfying work situations or relationships due to fear or ease of opportunity. And let’s not forget drinking one’s free time away, because this creates a blissful ‘inner spark’ (spoken from personal experience).

Patterns of Self-Defeat

The unfortunate thing is that in a fast paced world of constant change, we get stuck in self defeating patterns and forget our hopes and dreams, thus creating illness and dissatisfaction in our daily lives.

Have you ever come to the confounding realization that the circumstances of your life have amounted to something completely different then what you hoped they would be? Do you feel like you’re going to bang your head against the wall if one more person says to you “everything happens for a reason,” “it is what it is,” or “oh, the economy”?

The real question should be, “how does one discipline themselves to break free from these patterns and thought processes?”

The answers that I have found for myself are to breathe, laugh and play. Life needs a balance of work and ease, and of helping oneself while being present for others. This is a simple concept that I continuously “struggle” with, yet it is in my reflections that I can see how life happens best naturally and without trying.

Authentic Connection and Saying ‘No’ to Old Ways

It is when I breathe that I can actually feel what is going on with my body, like the burning indigestion that I experience because I am too constricted with tension. Or feeling the affects of the foods that don’t resonate with my personal constitution.

It was in the times that I sat on a porch, laughing with a close friend that I met a future significant other effortlessly. Maybe we met in a library or at a party, but certainly not when I tackled speed dating because I felt my biological clock ticking crazily in my ear.

Essentially, I met people who I authentically connected with instead of trying to force a connection with a standardized ideal in a forced setting.

Opportunities have also shown up when I stepped out of the intensity of my routine and played, trying to get to know someone new at the office, doing a little dance across the floor, or by making people laugh with a silly well timed remark.

These simple “little” moves have made eight hours in a cubicle much more bearable than focusing on how much this job ‘sucks.’ In turn, some great friendships developed without even trying.

Will the “discipline” of breathing, laughing and playing solve mine or anyone else’s problems? Yes, in the long run they most certainly will, and they help in living a more authentic life. And in the mean time, they make life all the more manageable.

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