Photo: Markusram

During the time I was a professional Dominatrix, male sexuality–something that was already quite familiar to me–was revealed to me in ways that I previously thought would be surprising.

In the end, a pervert is a pervert. The way men behave when they’re focused on their own arousal varies little. The dented, battle-scarred perv who traveled all over the country visiting pro-Dommes reacted just the same way to having the heels of my boots gouge his bare nipples, as did the nearly virginal mummification freak who got off on sensory deprivation when I pinched his nose shut.

I was fulfilling a role–one they had already defined and that existed in their heads–and if I could slide seamlessly into that role, sometimes exploiting it and stretching it, the client would experience bliss. Nearly every client would be surprised and delighted by any creativity or innovation on my part. It was like caring for a very slow child who was unable to tell you what he needed. By paying attention, I could steer a client like a car.

Straight Men’s Plight/Straight Women’s Burden

Straight men do not have the luxury of being paired up with such transparent partners, and that is why the majority of women must guide and train the men they come into contact with, in order to experience sexual satisfaction. Is this the reason that many women feel dissatisfied with one-night stands and think they’re not worth it?

Photo: Diana Blackwell

Yes. At least partially.

Women know we can get it anytime we want it. A woman can make up her mind to get fucked, go into a bar, and pretty much pick out any man she wants. I proved this once to a friend of mine in the field.

There is no challenge. It’s ours for the taking.

Also, we’re conditioned to experience guilt about our desires. We are the keepers of sexual responsibility. If sexual etiquette were entirely decided by men, the human race would long ago have died out through the spread of disease. Though certain feminist schools of thought might have you believe otherwise, women do most of the deciding about sex and probably have done so since the dawn of time.

As a rule, our behavior is dictated by biology more than we’d like to believe. The philosophies and beliefs that make us feel ashamed are so deeply rooted because they are biological facts that are constantly reinforced by our behaviors.

When is a One Night Stand Worth it?

There are one-night stands that are worth it, even for women:

When you’re washing away the ex, it’s worth it. At the end of a long, unsatisfying relationship, it’s always good to use a man as a palette cleanser. That one-night stand is the eraser for your blackboard, and you’re obliterating the commitment you’ve practiced with whatever asshole for however long without kindling another. Worth it.

When you feel empowered and in control, it’s worth it. Even if you’re a depraved slut who gets off on being objectified and humiliated, you are empowered when you are able to guilelessly seize what gives you pleasure. If you can get a stranger to get on board with what gets you off and you still feel good about yourself the next day, what is there to regret?

When you learn something about yourself, it’s worth it. Even if you’ve only done it once, and learned that it makes you feel like shit, it’s worth it. You learned that it’s not for you, and the next time the opportunity presents itself, you’ll be better at setting boundaries and getting what you want.

When it turns into a relationship. Sometimes a one-night stand actually turns into a relationship. Just because you went crazy and showed your pervy side to the compelling fellow you met at the company barbecue, doesn’t mean he’s not interested in you. As more women feel less shame about their sexuality, cultural stigma decreases. If you feel confident afterward, he will respect you more than if you’re a humiliated heap of self loathing.

Safety First

For safety and fun
Photo: Rubber soles

If you think you’re going home with someone, be safe. Make sure there will be condoms. If you can’t talk about stopping off to get some, you are too immature to be having sex. So think about buying a vibrator instead and figuring things out for yourself.

Call a trusted friend. If you’re going home with a stranger, make sure you’ve told someone you trust where you’re going. Even better if you use his cell phone–then there will be a record to tie to him in case something happens. Make sure he knows you’ve called a friend before you go anywhere with him.

In other words, make it worth your while.

Share and Enjoy