And this is the way to motivate every single one of us.

Wow, I almost felt yesterday as if I was going to be swallowed up like a building in that humongous sinkhole in Guatemala. Every time I looked to the top of my computer screen, my Alexa toolbar shouted at me about death and destruction: “Porn actor goes on rampage at video production office”, “UK taxi driver kills 12, wounds 25 in England” or “Holloway suspect sought in Peru killing.” Holy mother of the universe, what the HELL IS GOING ON?

After an hour or so, I couldn’t help but stifle a yawn. This story, which I had already heard in its entirety, seemed to both be dragging and multiplying. Plus, every time me or the couple I was sitting next too – also listening with half-bored expressions on their faces – said, “Give her the boot!”, my friend nodded, said, “Yeah, I know I should” and then would go right back to his harrowing tale of drug-infused and self-worth-crushing “relationship” drama.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit bleech (and no, not from drinking too much last night). It was more of the world’s-caving-in variety. Eyebrows covered in sweat about finances, trying to determine exactly how I’m gonna pay some bills; the amount of work I need to get done in the next 10 days in order to pay a fraction of those bills; feeling the need to be out and social as a way of dealing with break-up, and yet that cuts into work-to-pay-bills time. Ugh. So I decided it was time to try and turn around that ugly, downtrodden point-of-view real darn quick by completing a very simple task: writing down a list of simple things I’m grateful for.

I’m not sure I’m the most qualified person in the world to write this, considering I’m not sure that I have any answers. But I have ideas. And they are different than the more accepted approaches out there. Yep, I’m currently going through a break-up. The details are really not worth going into, other than to say beauty showed up for the two of us on a late September evening, and the twist into summer held changes we knew would arrive sooner rather than later. But there is no you-did-me-wrong, no blame for a loss of feelings. It is rather circumstantial that we have come to this place, and yet those circumstances make our reality. It is time.

Sex is a tough subject. Even though the ‘internet generation,’ of which I am born, has access to more information and is exposed to greater representation of sexual diversity, we’re still struggling to determine what is sexually appropriate and acceptable. Most of us prefer to believe that we are sexually savvy, that we have some skills as a lover, and are more open to sexual dialogues and practices than our parents. We are the generation of Wikipedia and XTube – information and representation is readily available. Yet how do ‘sex’ and ‘living holistically’ relate?

As I look down at my stomach, trying to determine how much ‘irreparable’ damage I’ve done, I think, “Well, at least it’s been a while.” Quickly, though, I go into the story around “what I did to myself”. What did I do? I ate a pint of Ben&Jerry’s. Now, I know to some people, that would not necessitate the binge label, and in the past, I’ve consumed more. I get that saying it was a binge might actually piss someone off who binges in a larger way. But ultimately, I uncontrollably ate a lot of a particular food that doesn’t feel good to my body. That ’something else’ took over, and as I drove away from dinner with a friend, I zeroed in on going to the grocery store and buying something bad.