Isn’t it AMAZING how strongly your body can react to kissing ? The person I fell in love with ( the only one so far in my life ) was exactly as you described ….. such a great kisser and so PRESENT ! He was truly exploring me before things got sexual and that was VERY powerful to me. He isn’t in my life now, but I hope I find someone who kisses like him again !

I’ve had a few during business trips and they were VERY fun , but no intercourse happened. Mine involved just touching, so STD risk was extemely low ( that’s how I am …… just risk averse in general ! ) . With mine …….. I got off each time . So did they. I think the newness and the fact that was REALLY physically attracted to each person ( not just drunk ) were key. I did this only 3 times total in 5 years of frequent travel – so don’t done judge !

Oh yeah ………. back to why they aren’t for me :
I get emotionally attached. I mean …. I didn’t with these people I met them we were both far from home, but in general I do. Women are fighting basic biology when they try to be casual with intimacy. Most CAN’T be intimate without getting emotionally attached because attachment in a reaction your body produces.

~Female Blog reader who is remaining anonymous on this comment !

And I think it’s wrong to assume men who have one-night-stands are presumably going to be lazy at it; after all, if the guys you are having one-night-stands with don’t do it for you, then that’s not to say that the men you then would have relationships with will. Your last sentence made me laugh and is probably the answer!

I look forward to reading more of your articles, just found your website link through http://www.bravenewtraveler.com and would love it if you could have a quick look at mine too!

You are so on the money with this article, it’s scary (in a good way!).

Although, I will say this…one of the most passionate evenings I’ve ever had in my life was the result of a one night stand. I met a young man at a party in Berkeley (I say “young man” because he was at least 10 years younger than me) – we hit it off and flirted the entire party. I gave him a ride home and he snuck me into his co-op. We ended up making out for HOURS. No sex, just making out. But damn! The way he held me and the way he kissed me was just so….present! I’d never been held or kissed like that before and haven’t since. I remember thinking at the time, “When I fell in love again, I hope it feels like THIS”. I never saw him or talked to him again after that night…but he is burned into my memory (in a good way).

So maybe the trick with one nighters is to keep it just to making out. Cuz, let’s face it, it’s the foreplay the we women like anyway.

…could you imagine ‘Men’s Journal’ running an article entitled: ‘One Night Stands: Are They Worth it for Men’ ??

Kate–As I was writing this, I knew there would be a lot of women out there who would prove me wrong, and I think that is one of the wonderful things about being a woman–we are all so different. I do agree that it depends of what you consider sex, that it is one way to get to know yourself/needs better, but I also think that the freedom to really get to know and understand your needs often comes with time and practice. Maybe one night stands are best for the woman who has been in a relationship most of her life?

Sylvie–I know, right? That is what they should teach in sex ed–bam, bam, bam does not equal pleasure for the woman.

Carlo–good point, I think that is probably the case in many different places.

Mark–Beautifully put.