Would You? / Photo: See-ming Lee 李思明 SML

Sex is a tough subject. Even though the ‘internet generation,’ of which I am born, has access to more information and is exposed to greater representation of sexual diversity, we’re still struggling to determine what is sexually appropriate and acceptable.

Most of us prefer to believe that we are sexually savvy, that we have some skills as a lover, and are more open to sexual dialogues and practices than our parents. We are the generation of Wikipedia and XTube – information and representation is readily available.

Yet how do ‘sex’ and ‘living holistically’ relate?

As I began to explore this question, a greater dilemma arose – what the frick does it actually mean to be living holistically? It seems like so much pressure! (tosses head back and sighs in exasperation). As defined by this blog, “Living Holistically means incorporating all aspects of ourselves – the mind, body, spirit, community and environment.” Okay, fair enough. However, the word ‘sexuality’ is absent from this definition. Where does sex fit in?

The more I began to ponder this proposition, the more I realized that, in fact, I really have no idea what it means to be living a sexually holistic life. Does it simply mean we’re diddling the skittle and buffing the rifle with sufficient frequency? Or that, post-coitus, we’re turning to wheatgrass shots instead of cigarettes?

Or perhaps, in stating that we are living sexually holistic lives, it gives legitimate excuse to practice yoga for the sole purpose of getting ourselves into all sorts of flexibility-required, crazy sexual positions? Okay, maybe I’m stretching things here. Pun intended.

Research Time

I clearly needed to do a little research on this matter, so like any half-assed blogger, I turned to Google to help me define a ‘sexually holistic’ lifestyle.

Photo: Assassin de la police

In my search, I stumbled across phrases such as “Dating Adult Alternative Lifestyle” and “Utilizing the holistic lifestyle for weight management” and even “Polyamory Society.” Ultimately these results fell short of what I was ideally searching.

It seems like there is insufficient discourse on the subject of holistic sexuality. I suppose we are charting new territory here.

So, for the sake of this exploration, I’ve come up with a working definition of ‘sexually holistic’ – living a sexually holistic life means incorporating all aspects of our sexual identity, such as belief, desire and fantasy, into practice. So if we are to label ourselves as ‘sexually holistic’ beings, we need to be aligning our sexual practices with our sexual values.

These days it is increasingly a social norm to value sexual diversity, and by “sexual diversity” I mean “not hatin’ on homos.” Despite levels of problematic tokenism, it is trendy to have a gay friend. Gays have never been more ‘in’ – but in valuing sexual diversity, how many of us are willing to take the next step towards practicing our values?

In other words, is a same-sex encounter important in living holistically?

The Raw Data

Before I get a wheelbarrow full of tweets accusing me of being ‘hetero-normative,’ I do realize the heavy hetero slant of this question.

Photo: tntblonde

But I pose it as such because most of us have been raised in a world that has an imposed standard of heterosexuality. I would argue that, as a generalization, queers have already posed the inverse question – “Should I be having hetero sex?” I’m simply flipping the equation.

To get some perspective on the question of “Is a same-sex encounter important in living holistically?” I posed it to a couple of my most sex-educated friends.

“Often straight people get all excited about how enlightened and progressive they are because they made out with a person of the same sex once, but all that means is a lot of self-congratulation without requiring them to let go of straight privilege or challenging their heteronormativity. It’s a very non-threatening way of dealing with same-sex sex because it both titillates and allows people to keep on being just as straight-minded as they ever were, regardless of who they just boinked. Sort of like saying, ‘Look how healthy I am, I just ate some tofu!’ before going back to McDonald’s and Twinkies. Meh. Not so holistic in my books.” – Andrea Zanin (BA Sexuality Studies, MA Women’s Studies)

“I personally believe that same sex encounters are ‘important’ for individuals period. Pleasure is a fundamental right we have and if we are so inclined to want to experience a same sex encounter for curiosity, pleasure, risqué behavior or just because we want to fuck someone that have the same naughty bits as we do, then so be it!” – Mylene St. Pierre (BA Sexology, MA Toxicomanie)

And then I threw the question out to the twitterverse. Here are some of my favorite responses:

“I’d never want that question turned around backwards on me, so I’m obligated to answer ‘no.’” – @dp4

“Alternatively, would an opposite-sex experience be an important part of living a holistic life?” @jackiehallet

“No, same-sex experience isn’t important for a holistic life. If it were true, then the reverse would be true. EW! Icky!” @Tyffanie

The overwhelming reaction to the question has been negative. And to be honest, my personal answer to this question is a fairly solid “No.” As a blanket policy, we do not need to have a same-sex experience (for heteros) nor a heterosexual experience (for queers) to be living a sexually holistic lifestyle. It all depends on what we individually value.

Photo: See-ming Lee 李思明 SML

Perhaps the more valuable nugget of exploration simply revolves around ‘openness’ to various experiences. What is holding us back from sexual experiences that peak our curiosities? How could we make our fantasies more achievable?

And ultimately, how can we continue to demystify and celebrate sexual diversity – hetero, homo and everything in between? Living a sexually holistic lifestyle will imply an evolving dance with boundaries and questions, with values and practices.

And as I continue to test my own personal boundaries, I’ve realized two things. Firstly, for the sake of experimentation, it might just be time for this homo to jump into the heterosexual end of the pool. And secondly, no matter whom I partner up with, you’ll still find me in my local yoga class, maintaining my flexibility.

For the sexually holistic benefits.

Share and Enjoy