Photo: doug88888

FEAR.

What a scary word; I think of it and I cringe.

Things don’t change because of this word. This word is the main reason we stay in the same relationships, same patterns, same jobs, same everything. We fear, fear, fear. It is scary and our pain-bodies love it.

As soon as we feel like we can change something, our pain-body freaks out and says, “Oh, I don’t think so! Feed me fear, I must stay with you. You cannot let me go.”

Fear inhibits us from moving forward; from being ‘risky.’ We were given this present from our families, friends, and the media.

Oh, happy birthday, here is my gift: fear. I have TONS of it and I shall now project all my fears onto you. Did you know that we are in a recession? Did you know that quitting your job now is the stupidest thing you could do? It doesn’t matter if you are ready to slit your wrists, keep on working at the job you hate, because otherwise you will end up a jobless, unpaid loser. You must play it safe.

Oh, yes, I know he beats you, and cheats on you, but how are you going to support yourself on your own? Won’t you feel lonely? Are you sure you want to leave him? But, he’s so nice when I’m around…

Do you realize that you are in the same relationships over and over again? Maybe a different guy, but same scenerio? Or, does your cycle create aloneness all the time?

My point is simple. We live in fear, we love in fear, and we embody fear before anything else; we allow fear to control our puppet strings.

What’s the Solution?

Don’t let anything stop you if what you feel you are doing is right. Don’t listen to others; don’t stay the same if you are unhappy. You are the only one who is with you 24 hours a day; it’s not about them.

Photo: MahPadilha

Instead, move through this process:

• First: Explore – What do I want?
• Second: Realize that you are in a cycle
• Third: Observe your behavior patterns
• Fourth: Consciously create alternative reactions to the same situation.

The only way you can change your cycle is by 1) realizing you are in a cycle and 2) changing the ‘normal’ way you react to certain events.

If you are constantly fighting with your partner, what’s going to shift if no one in the relationship changes the way they react? It will always be the same. And it will never change until at least one person gains awareness into their own behavior.

Observe yourself.How are you reacting to this situation? What is your usual stance? How can you change this situation and in what direction do you want it to go? Ultimately, what do you want? In order to solve the cycle and the fight you also must know what you want. What are you trying to solve? Why are you fighting? What do you want to get out of it? What is it that you think the other can resolve for you?

If you find yourself wanting a boyfriend or girlfriend, but are not receiving one, explore it. What kind of partner do you want? What qualities must he/she have? Write it down. Make things different than usual.

Then compare: what would you normally do when you find yourself wanting a partner? Do you talk yourself out of one? What are you wishing for and then what are you telling the universe? Observe yourself and your patterns.

Lastly:

1. Acknowledge your resistance to change is fear (among other reasons)
2. Release it
3. Make your plans and DO IT!

You know what makes you unhappy and only you can know what needs to change to make you feel joyous. If we don’t know what we want, we are living unconsciously. Things or events that we really did not want might surface; we become unhappy. There is no reason for this. We find our happiness by exploring who we are and what we want, period.

Fear not…make that change.

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