Generally, the 4MP is put into use when a woman is dating an emotionally unavailable man she adores, and it helps level the playing field. If she really wants to stay with him, she’d be better off taking up a few new hobbies, instead of a few new men. Hobbies like: crocheting, adopting an apartment of stray cats, or the occasional throwing herself out of a plane because it seems like an appropriate metaphor for her relationship.

The 4MP: use with caution. If anyone is truly intent on trying it, every month, dump all four of them and start fresh.

As a single bloke who seems to dip in and out of dating with a kind of blundering, half-assed approach that is simultaneously exciting and ridiculous, maybe I’m not qualified to comment on systemic dating. But I’m going to anyway. (Maybe because I just *love* the sound of my own voice).

I like the idea of the 4-Man Plan in practice. As long as us guys are told that we’ve got competition (which Vera notes is indeed part of the rules, above). And a bit of mild jealousy is a good way to raise the stakes in a budding relationship and make both sides a bit more invested, which makes it much more fun when it all boils over in an energetically horizontal fashion. Ahem.

However, in my case: I’ve read too many books to attempt anything like the 4-Girl Plan. I recently had a situation where I was flirting with two girls at the same time, both leading towards actual dates…and I started feeling wretched. I hadn’t yet told either of them about the other one, because nothing specific had happened – but the fact that I was sorta-kinda nearly “seeing” two women at once made me feel a complete worm. And the possibility was there of telling both of them and then dating both of them at the same time, with everything in the open. I thought about it (urged on by a friend). And the thought of it made me feel *dreadful* about myself. Even if they were both up for it. Inner gut reaction = Mike, You Are Pond Scum.

So I chose between them, and told the other one that I was on the verge of seeing someone else. (At which point she confessed she had a boyfriend and was looking for something on the side. Eeee, life).

Since I grew up reading umpteen Boy’s Own Adventures about stoic, lantern-jawed romantics who spend years braving the worst that life throws at them while holding a torch for some permanently unavailable lass (and since I spent a year doing that myself), I reckon I’ve had true dating programmed out of me. (And I’m British, which doesn’t help. “Experimenting? *Trying out* different women? Good lord, what an appalling show, old man. I’d rather spend my time digging the garden, quite frankly.”)

But…there’s also the fact that I spend a couple of decades around women who date to find someone to settle down and have babies with immediately – or are completely and utterly apesh*t. (I suspect Candice’s St. John’s is twinned with Hornsea, East Yorkshire, in a lot of horrible ways). And I wanted to travel instead.

So I’ve always figured I’ll find my other half out there on the road.

(Which makes her sound like roadkill. How very romantic of me).

Maybe on the East Coast this would work. Or wherever alpha males still exist (the south?) Which is not here, I tell you. The men are way too metrosexual and snaggy for this plan to work.

Not to mention that is was totally exhausting. Maybe I’m too old for the 4MP (almost 40)…but I burned out fast. Now I’m back with my ex and could not be happier to be done with all of that silliness.

xo,

Vera

In theory it sounds delightful. But in practice, I can only imagine the energy it takes to maintain that sort of dating/social inertia.

And really, who has the budget these days to hire someone to keep track of all those names?

That said, I still cannot help but feel that there simply has to be an easier way than this. Right?

I also see the allure of a four man plan, although perhaps not all in one day. Do they four know about each other? How do you keep it all straight?

Online dating here in St. John’s? Stupid. There is a severe lack of men, so the ones driven to using Internet dating are…questionable (mostly). I’ve lived here for four years, and I’ve been on a total of two dates. TWO DATES.

Anywhere else, I have absolutely no problem attracting other men.

I LOVE the four-man rotation. To me, it’s what dating should be about…trying out a few different things before you “settle.” I’m not quite sure if I’d be good at it, but it’d be wicked fun.

You didn’t mention okcupid.com, which still seems to be held in fairly high esteem here in the Bay Area.

I met my boyfriend of two years on Match, and he *seems* pretty normal…so far anyway.

Thanks for the laugh Christine!