Photo: Bhaskar Banerji

I love the way you move

I love the way you fuck

I love the way your stomach rounds

I love the red bumps on your inner thighs

I love the way your arms tighten easily

I love that your stomach never will

I love that your big toe turns in slightly while the rest stand straight out

I love that your skin tans easily

I love that your face reddens even more easily

I love that your legs look long in the slightest of heels

…and short without

I love the way you snake your arms when you dance

I love that your eyes can pierce

I love that you often look away instead

I love how you get me out of bed every morning

especially when I remember a time that wasn’t so easy

I love that your face gives away exactly how you’re feeling

…even when I don’t want you too and don’t think you are

I love that you are my best friend

and accept me even when I don’t accept you

I love that you are with me no matter what happens in this life, who comes in and out of it, what I accomplish or fail

I love you

Photo: suez92

The Obesity Epidemic. I admit I don’t always know how exactly to respond to this…phrasing.

Sometimes, I think it gets thrown around with me more than other people. Those who know I went to nutrition school, or even those who spend more than five minutes with me, know that food – quality food – is an integral part of my life. Elbows are nudged when a fat person walks by, or someone who is overweight orders a large plate of meat (with a side of meat) at a restaurant where we eat. Some who don’t know me well, but have been around me a bit, expect that I’m vegetarian. There are people who’ve known me for years that forget I’m no longer a vegetarian.

There is often more than a moment of shocked silence when I finally express my feelings around the words “fat” and “obesity” (and not being vegetarian).

The politics of food, and more importantly, of being fat, are skewed at best. What was once ignored has now become public enemy number one, making any person of size the equivalent of being a person of color pre-1970.

Yes, I see this as a civil rights issue. As a society, emotional-lynching of fat people is the last safe haven of prejudice and hatred.

A View From the Outside

A friend, his son, and I walked around the North Carolina zoo on a sunny Saturday afternoon. My friend whispered to me, “It’s when I come to places like this that I really see the obesity that’s happening.”

Photo: Ed Yourdon

The night before, we had watched an episode of Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution. In Huntington, West Virginia where the show is filmed, we obviously noticed many people of larger size, but the thought crossed my mind that this focus might about making good TV. At the NC Zoo, there was no denying that we were surrounded by more large people than average-sized ones.

So I’m not denying there is an issue. I can also see that to a certain extent, I live in a bubble of health-conscious reality. Large cities and smaller, progressive towns tend to be more natural food focused and movement oriented, and for the last 10 years of my life, these are the only types of places I’ve lived. These cities are filled with people who like their organic apples and green smoothies. The rest of suburban and rural America is dotted with chain restaurants and the main outlet for exercise is walking from the parking lot into the front door of Target.

Still, as I look around the Whole Foods where I’m currently chomping on some green salad and a free-range burger, I see a diversity in people shopping for health food that didn’t exist ten years ago. I believe when given the choice, people want to do right by their health. Yet it has to fit into a lifestyle that is faster than the human race has previously known. Where I sit at this moment, there is a choice to easily purchase quality food. But the only thing available in most places is crap, nutrient-deficient food made by some of the largest, and most profitable, corporations out there.

The Blame Game

I wrote a bit about my view of fatism in an article at Brave New Traveler called Overweight Charged For Second Seat On Airplanes: Is “Fatism” To Blame?, comparing this form of discrimination to the accepted discrimination of yesteryear against women, people of color, and the handicapped. I should have guessed what the flavor of the comments would be before they came pouring in:

“Comparing fat people to one’s sexual orientation or race is not right. Except in very few cases, most people choose to become fat.”

“Only through discomfort will they actually try to get rid of the deadweight; widening doors and allowing them two seats in the name of PC or equality is just wrong.”

“I think the equivalent of trying to justify larger people paying the same price for first class or two seats is the equivalent of demanding that two gay people can naturally have a child together. It’s not a prejudice thing, its just is what it is.”

A PC issue? Hmm. More like a simplistic judgment that easily prompts the masses to jump on board, stones in hand.

Mixed messages anyone?
Photo: vlauria

But that’s all a part of the American Dream, isn’t it? Blame the individual. It’s your fault you’re not rich. It’s your fault you work at a job that doesn’t pay you well. It’s your fault you couldn’t afford to go to college. It’s your fault that for survival purposes, you joined a gang or started to sell drugs. It’s your fault you aren’t beautiful enough. It’s your fault that you’re not skinny. If you are not “successful” in the land of opportunity – don’t forget to shield your eyes from those systemic oppressive forces at play – it’s all just your fault.

There’s a lot of money to be made with the blame game. It doesn’t take much to realize who benefits from each of us blaming each other, or even more tragically, ourselves.

War and Peace

Yep, I have a lot of fire around how easily we blame fat people for the drain on our healthcare system, their “unsightliness”, their “disgusting” ways. It doesn’t necessarily make a lot of sense – I’ve never been what most would consider overweight. Yet I spent plenty of years believing I was, in some ways, too fat. I also know that most women in the West spend their lives thinking the same thing.

My insides bind up in a tight knot whenever I hear people’s commentary about obesity, which is never, ever forgiving. I wonder, what defines obesity exactly? Sure we have BMI’s (body mass index) and weight goals, but really, being fat is in the eye of the beholder. One person’s overweight is another person’s just right, and until you get into the morbidly obese category, it actually is not a reliable indicator of health issues (in fact, studies like the one conducted by Katherine Flegal, PhD and published in JAMA show that the overweight group had fewer deaths per year than the normal weight group, and many less deaths than the underweight group).

Some of those judgments? Let’s see if these sound familiar:

• No will-power
• Lazy
• Pig
• Disgusting
• Pathetic
• Gross
• Sad
• Just stop eating junk food already

Imagine that what hasn’t worked for establishing peace between countries – war – is the same thing that doesn’t work when dealing with obesity. “Attacking” the issue doesn’t breed love, compassion, or peace, with that last one being the most important. Don’t we all want peace in this life?

Achieving peace is never an easy thing. But the path to peace is NOT through war on other people, lands, or belief systems. And it is definitely, definitely not through war on your own body or the body of another.

Begin With Acceptance

This is a human issue, discriminatory in its basis through not fitting into an ideal developed by the ruling class of beauty. People can argue until the cows come home that it is about the healthcare costs of being obese, but in truth, it is about how we perceive larger people.

The Undressed Project
Photo: basykes

I’m not saying that taking care of yourself isn’t one of the most important jobs you have in this lifetime. Without a doubt, it is. Eating quality and nutrient-dense food, moving your body, getting enough sleep, and fitting in some reflective time makes your mind work better – period, really – and helps to keep your emotions steady. Life feels more worth living when we feel good, and it’s hard to feel good without loving yourself in these ways.

But we have a chance here to look at the “problem” in a different way: what is at the root of this “epidemic”? Is it really laziness, or is it depression? Is it lack of will-power, or is it pain? Can we provide the tools to people to reconnect to their bodies and spirits, filling the void that is currently being stuffed with food? Can good food be easily found in more than just cities and liberal towns?

Can we look at the whole picture and reach for compassion instead of condemnation?

Photo: mary_gaston22

As the new year opens, many of us are resolving to get up off the couch and get our bodies into shape. But if we don’t examine our underlying attitudes towards exercise, then we may end up facing some mental barriers to getting physical.

Changing your mind might just be the first step to changing your body. Here are a few common notions – and their truths – that I have witnessed as a personal trainer:

Grueling Conditioning vs. Pleasurable Movement

On television shows like the “Biggest Loser”, the media often portrays exercise as suffering. The reality is, the “no pain, no gain” approach actually creates a huge psychological hurtle to just getting started. If we associate the gym with punishment, we’ll be less inclined to go, and unlikely to consistently return.

Conversely, finding an activity that you enjoy – a dance class with a dynamic instructor, a compelling training event or a beautiful, nearby hiking trail – will ensure that you will repeatedly go. Exercising can, and should, be both challenging and pleasurable. Finding a sense of joy while exercising will ensure that you look forward to your next workout, and will eventually help you increase your intensity.

Short Term Results vs. A Lifetime of Health

Photo: Claudio Matsuoka

If you are working out to obtain six-pack-abs or a “bikini body,” then you might resort to extreme routines. Onerous fitness programs, like extreme caloric restriction, may lead to rapid weight loss, yet are virtually impossible to maintain.

Instead of toughing out the routine to achieve a perfect body, consider exercise as lifelong practice of crucial and feel-good self-care. Regularly breaking a sweat serves as very potent medicine regardless of your weight, age, fitness level or body type. To reap the benefits of fitness, we need to take this medicine for the rest of our lives, instead of administering it for a quick fix.

Spot Reduction vs. Functional Fitness

When I worked at a women’s fitness center, I often heard women list a litany of hated body parts like their abs, upper arms, or thighs. They have come to expect that they can “fix” individual body parts by using specific pieces of gym equipment that isolate individualized muscles groups.

Unfortunately, the fitness industry has fueled the idea of “spot reduction” with infomercials for gizmos called “ab-blasters” or “thigh masters”. The fact is, depending on your genetic disposition, you may or may not be able to sweat your way into a visibly muscular physique.

Photo: Fabio Macòr

Regardless, muscles are not designed to work in isolation with a machine providing support for the spine and pelvis. Popular strength training equipment that includes a seat and back support actually does us a disservice by denying us a chance to build abdominopelvic stability.

My rule of thumb is: “If it looks like a chair, then beware.” Getting out of chairs develops our core muscles and trains the muscles to effectively work together.

Practicing integrated, full body movements (also called compound exercises) can drastically improve posture, build balance, boost athletic skill, address back pain and increase energy. Exercise your body as an integrated, functional whole instead a fractured, conglomeration of flawed parts.

Working Out vs. Working In

Too often, exercise becomes pigeonholed as an atonement for dietary transgressions. Instead of using it as self-punishment, a movement practice can be a form of self-determination. Beyond burning calories, training can provide emotional balance, foster introspection, and increase creativity.

The conscious movement of our body opens up mental blocks and soothes our inner self. One of the reasons that yoga and other mind-body approaches have become so popular is because they engage the physical, mental, and spiritual dimensions of a person.

If you find yourself giving up on exercise, then you might recognize some of these attitudes. If your workouts are no fun or you are just trying to squeeze into a smaller dress size, you might get stuck in an “all or nothing” mentality.

But you may be less apt to throw in the gym towel if you reconsider why and how you are working out. So whether you choose swimming, hula-hooping, or rock climbing, do something that you love and will do regularly. We can exercise to condition the body as well as refresh the mind and enliven the spirit.

Photo: Bhaskar Banerji

Here’s my claim up front: working with your dreams (that you have while sleeping) will revitalize your career, rekindle your love life, and unleash your creativity so you can go after what you really want in life.

I admit it’s an arrogant claim that paying attention to those nightly dreams can revitalize every aspect of our lives. But it’s true. Dreaming is a window into our most naked needs, desires, fears and aspirations. So if you are looking for a quick path to invigorate your unique skills and passions, tending your dreams is an easy first step.

First off, I’m not talking just about dream interpretation here. Instead, I’m talking about dream work. Simply by remembering our dreams, and focusing on those significant dream images and related emotions, we are building bridges between our nightworld and our dayworld. These bridges connect the dynamo of our emotional intelligence to our rational waking life.

Dreams and Intuition

You might have heard about multiple intelligences before: the idea that we have more than a few ways of making sense of the world and our place in it. Compared to logic, emotional intelligence is an older, deeper and a more intuitive way of knowing. Intuition is tied to our basic drives (sex, shelter, nourishment), our relationships with loved ones – and that hard-to-pin down sense of “purpose” that each of us has.

Emotional intelligence is not irrational, however. It has its own logic, its own center of gravity. And in dreams this way of thinking is in the driver’s seat.

So what else is dreaming about? When we are dreaming, we explore intense emotions at the same time as we delve into long-term memories. The brain’s visual centers are triggered, making the experience a powerful hallucination that, if we had it while awake, would definitely be considered crazy.

That’s why dreaming can be considered the original altered state of consciousness: it’s a pretty wild ride.

Discovering the Language of Dreams

Here’s where your career, your sex life and your creativity come in. We now know that dream content (the actual images, emotions, and experiences we remember) is far from random, despite the brain stem pulses from which dreams originate.

Photo: Venetia Joubert Sarah Oosterveld

Researchers such as William Domhoff have statistically shown that the content of our dreams is correlated with our most pressing daily thoughts and concerns.

This is the only part of Freud’s dream theory that is still considered accurate today – the so called day residue.

In other words, our dreams are speaking our own private language, and telling stories that make up our own personal mythology, connecting our oldest fears with our present life situation, our jobs, our relationships, and our daily grind.

But rather than focusing only on what that dream experience means, it is more powerful to bring those dreams into our waking life and honor the image with action.

3 Ways to Honor A Dream Without Buying A Dream Dictionary

• Live in the uncomfortable parts. What in waking life does this dream remind you of? Sit with the discomfort until you can find its analogue in the present. Where do you notice the feeling? Pay attention when similar feelings come up later – this is key to developing your intuition and strengthening that emotional intelligence.
• Give a gift. If a tree sheltered you in a dream storm, thank a tree in your own way. If you had a dream argument with your long-dead family member, work on cultivating forgiveness. If you dreamed of drowning, go down to the ocean or a river and throw a stone into the water. There’s no recipe for this; be spontaneous and make sure every act contains gratitude or thankfulness.
• Speak your truth. Write the dream down, speak it out loud, or act it out. Some even do dream theater where people play out different characters in dreams to make it more real. Make the dream come alive. You may be surprised what you learn in the process.

This is just scratching the surface, of course. Over time, by simply paying attention to your dreams, the dreams you have will also change, becoming more clear, more directed, and more focused on the issues you are most interested in. This approach was known by the ancient Greeks as dream incubation.

Within a couple of months, you will feel more alive, more centered, and more in control of where you’re going in life.

Now that’s really “so you can rest medicine!”

Photo: j / f / photos/
Feature Photo: adria.richards

So most everyone has heard about yoga and its benefits by now. Same with Pilates; possibly Tai Chi. Ok, a little fuzzy on the benefits. And possibly don’t really know what is actually involved with any of them.

But definitely have read an article or two about yoga. Or saw the cover of a magazine that talked about it. Heard some friends talking about a magazine with a cover that talked about it. Definitely that–at least.

Not to worry, you can pull your head out from under the couch of which you have buried it in shame for not really understanding all of this alternative mumbo jumbo. It is OK.

Smile. Breathe. That’s all it really comes back to anyway, the breath. You can do that, I promise. Can’t get too far into your day without it.

Most of us understand the concept of our physical being. It is our body, our aches and pains, our ability to walk, lift things, have skin that keeps all of our internal organs…well, internal.

And we understand our mind–it’s what we think with, how we speak, where our emotions stem from, how we play word games, send messages to our bodies to move around, type on a computer. The two work together almost inexplicably. But there is another component that some of us deeply believe in, others not so much. And that is the energetic body.

Part of the reason why the idea of an energetic body is hard to understand for most people is because we can’t see it, touch it, or until recently, prove that it exists.

Did I lose you yet?

Part of the reason why the idea of an energetic body is hard to understand for most people is because we can’t see it, touch it, or until recently, prove that it exists. We in the west are big believers of proof we can get our hands on, scientific method, etc., etc.

The History Of Energy

But the reality is that most other cultures which have been around for thousands of years, such as the Chinese and Indian cultures, and also in the Egyptian and Greek cultures, have all recognized an energetic component to the self.

It’s only since the advent of science as we know it (just a couple of hundred years ago) that energy as an aspect of being human has been taken out or left to religious/spiritual purposes.

So essentially what practices like yoga, pilates, tai chi, qigong, meditation, etc. do is work with our energetic (sometimes referred to as spiritual) body.

Yes, your physical body will start to look different, and your mind will probably be a bit more calm, and this is really just a perfect example of what HOLISTIC truly means (everything that affects a person’s energy affects their body and their mind).

This goes for anything and everything we do–affect one system, affect them all–we usually just don’t think about it that way. So when you are running to get your body in shape, many people achieve the state of the “runner’s high.” We often think this pertains to the brain, but it is also has an effect on the chi (energy) of the person. You’re starting to get it…

Why is it important to think about our energetic body? Well, partly because we have been ignoring it for most of our life by not knowing about or believing in it. Its feelings are hurt. It needs extra love and attention so that you will get back into its good graces.

Sweet, Sweet Rewards

I promise, as you do, it will reward you with a calmer state of mind, better health, and an understanding that there is something deeper and more important than just our appearance or how fast we can type. It’ll help you deal with those annoying, nonresponsive “uh huh” replies from your boyfriend, not giving the perfect “big” presentation, and knowing that there is more to life than having a portfolio that gives you wiggle-room for a summer share in the Hamptons.

Photo: Nina Fry

Often people start yoga or Pilates to get in shape, improve their flexibility, or somehow benefit their health. It takes most people time and practice to realize they are getting much more than whatever their reason was for starting.

A feeling of being grounded, going inside, and understanding the concept of inter-connectedness (even if a person isn’t religious) is what ends up being the sweet unexpected reward.

Tai Chi and Qigong are Chinese practices that focus specifically on moving energy through the body and opening up energy blockages (acupuncture is a physical, needle-focused form of these practices).

The body is moved and the hands are used in specific sequences for certain actions in the body. Not only do these practices make the average person feel calmer by the end of a class or session, but they are also being used as conjunctive therapy for cancer patients going through the traumatic aspects of chemotherapy and radiation.

Our energy gets “stuck” very easily by stress, or sitting in front of a computer all day and not moving, being caught in traffic, and dealing with your upstairs neighbor’s Friday night’s decision to blare heavy metal music starting at 12am.

Check out a beginner yoga or Pilates class, maybe Google a video of Qigong (oh look! I did it for you) and see what feels good to you. From personal experience it took me many years to fully start enjoying yoga, and that was only once I felt as if I was practicing in a non-competitive environment. Other people love it day one.

Point is, give yourself some room and try any of these energy-based practices out a couple of different times and places. It won’t take long for you to start noticing a difference in other parts of your life.