Photo: moneydick

“You are poised at the starting line, one foot behind you, ready to sprint. In this life, you are on the fast track, and you must decide if you want to keep those around you who aren’t on the same track.”

I’ve heard variations of this before. Whether it’s been that I’m an old soul, or the fact that I’ve got some intense fire in my chart, or even that I’m fully enlightened and just don’t realize it (yes, I’ve been told this – god forbid), most intuitives/psychics/healers/whathaveyous tell me I’m here to get shit done, though maybe not in so many words.

Even at low points, with a lack of luster radiating (or not radiating?) from the inside out, they saw my chaotic and fiery purpose underneath.

Then why do I so often feel as if I’m not getting anywhere?

You may wonder why I decided to see a psychic yesterday, or why I bother seeing them at all. What can I say – I’m a sucker for hearing about myself. Actually, it’s deeper than that. I want to know myself better. Constantly. Can’t seem to get tired of knowing more about me, getting different points of view, connecting dots. Seeing how far I’ve come. Glimpsing how much further I need to go.

This time, the point was around work, money, family, relationships. Ok, that’s pretty much what it is every time (now that my health is better, which was what dominated these types of conversations several years ago). The first thing this particular intuitive visioned, without me asking any questions, was me at the starting line.

She followed up this image by using tarot cards to read my soul’s agenda (according to her, in the West we have a really hard time of letting go of the ego in order to get to our soul’s purpose, so she works from a place of getting the ego to work for the soul instead).

The answers never seem to correspond to what I think they will be. But they usually strike a cord that feels a bit like smacking your funny bone on the side of a table when you try and get up too quickly.

Reality. Or not.

“There are just going to be a lot of different things happening in your life. You’re not meant to stay in one place for long, but you are meant for the luxurious things in life. It’s your nature, yet you feel guilty about that.

Photo: frozenchipmunk

You feel guilt about constantly moving, you feel guilt about wanting the finer things in life. But that’s what your soul chose for you.”

Damn. Although I don’t consider myself drawn toward excessive luxury, I do like to be able to do pretty much anything I want without thinking about the (money) consequences. So although a Four Seasons Suite seems ridiculously overpriced and not worth the dough, I’m down to stay in a sweet bed and breakfast with tasty gluten and dairy-free options, for sure.

As for the moving, hearing this kind of makes me want to sigh. Loudly. And for a few minutes. I know this about myself, that I get antsy, that I need to see and experience new places after what some might consider a short period of time. But right now, the idea that I’m never gonna settle down in my entire life makes me feel friggin’ tired. My damn spirit is wearing me out.

I thought it was time for me to stay in one place. Build a community. Establish a relationship. Seems I’ve still gotta work on letting go of the last one.

Commitobia

“You shouldn’t say that you are a commitment-phobe. You’re not. You just don’t want anyone in your life that is gonna hold you back. Your fear is someone not letting you be you.”

And here I had just gotten to a point in my life where I felt I could admit I have commitment issues. Now I don’t?

Then why did I lay in bed the other night, 30-some odd hours after seeing him for the first time in six weeks, finally fully feeling the hurt that he ended our relationship? A hurt that had been clouded, covered, and buried by the understanding of why it must be that way, that this was ever the only option, that I knew it would happen eventually.

A hurt that sprang from the old wound of believing my love was too much, that to finally fall into showing myself fully, wrapping him in the cocoon of me, is what pushed him away. That to be real, raw, and open was just too powerful to carry, and so had to be abandoned.

If I don’t have commitment issues, why did I finally see so clearly that I chose a situation where there was no other possible outcome than abandonment? That commitment was impossible, and only allowed for an ending that fed into my deep-seeded beliefs about myself?

“I want to know if we can be friends.”

She looked at me for a moment before she closed her eyes. “It’s still too emotionally charged. The attraction is too strong. You have a choice here, as we always do. You can walk down the path of temptation, staying connected to him. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you’ll have to face the emotional ups and downs. Or, you can choose to remove him from your life and open up that space for what you really want to show up.”

The obvious truth.

“One last thing about him. I’ve been wondering if we have some karma to work out in this life?”

She waited for the answer, and then smiled. “They’re kinda laughing. There’s not really a past life connection, it’s just like your spirits saw each other in this life and said, ‘hey, we could be buddies.’ You two acted as catalysts for each other, pushing the other forward. But you need an adventurous person to walk through this world with you.”

“I do see you coming back together again in this life, apart and together several times, it looks like. Maybe just when you need each other most.”

Teaching

Photo: Vincepal

There’s also always variations on teaching in the world of predicting Christine’s future – yesterday it was adjunct faculty at a community or private college (so as to not tie me down to one place and everything). Before, it’s been speaking at conferences or guiding classes at festivals.

“You have to be ok with changeability. It’s who you are.” I thought about how many times the word “shapeshifter” has come up in my life over the last several weeks. Months. Years. More and more.

Here’s the issue, woman: I need stay stay in one place to develop these teaching skills, to get my work done, to focus. I tried moving around and doing work, only to find myself constantly stressed and behind, burning through what little funds I had. And yet a week at home makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

“Learning is your love. You articulate what you learn really well, and can give that to others. But you need the smorgasbord, the good life, comfort, continuously burning off the old. Being content in your life is a lot broader than you like to believe it is.”

So, am I having to face that I’m really not the tree-hugging, earth-saving, socially-conscious, harkening back to yesteryear person that I think I am, or is she just full of shit?

I’m guessing the answer is somewhere in the middle.

Photo: Shyald

It is often as I’m telling a story, something about life and the bigger picture, that I approach the subject with a bit of trepidation. Almost apologizing, mumbling just a bit, I admit the reason that I agree with some general observation is because I believe there is more than just this life.

Of course, it matters who I’m talking to. Tribe members can often be noted from afar, and they nod their heads quickly in agreement. Others are just as obvious, and of course, those are the ones with whom I tend to end up in these types of conversations. Their pupils constrict as they attempt to hide their judgment, or they go ahead and more openly question my assuredness of lives before and after this one.

It doesn’t necessarily matter that I only truly started believing in past lives about six years ago, though I often throw this fact in the conversation for good measure. That before then, I’m sure my eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly at those who off-handedly mentioned a wound left over from a sword to the gut during the fall of the Roman empire, or a burning at the stake during Salem witch-hunting times. That I can still stand outside of myself sometimes, understanding that if the day a person was born and the moment they die is all they believe they’ve got, the world looks a hell of a lot different.

A lot more depressing, really.

Sure, I get the scientific, it’s-just-as-crazy-as-saying-a-big-man-in-the-sky-made-this-all-in-seven-days perspective. I can see how people see a body is buried in the ground and eaten up by the insects that live there (though the whole quantum idea of energy never dying, only changing form chucks a wrench in the system). Guess if you don’t believe in the soul, or energy, simply being fodder for the bacteria makes the most sense.

But I guess my question is, why believe in just one life/one death?

The Science of Life and Death

I searched around the web a bit for “scientific evidence” of past lives, and surprisingly came across more than a few booksand articles pointing toward “proof” of reincarnation.

Photo: Alejandra Mavroski

Even a website dedicated to “small-caps stocks, options, and high-growth opportunities” offered up an article on the work of Dr. Weiss, a Yale-trained psychotherapist, who kinda fell into research about past lives. The author of the article, Jonathan Kolber, wrote:

I personally had an experience in college that seemed to fit the bill…most interesting to me, the images explained some anomalies in my life and the information gained changed my perspective on some things. Since childhood, I had harbored hostile attitudes towards France, a country with which I had no apparent connection whatsoever. I regarded the French as irrational and prone to mob rule. I also had a phobia of being in crowds.

After seemingly “remembering” a life as an insignificant member of the nobility in France, apparently born in 1756, all of my irrational attitudes disappeared. And for the first time in my life, I was able to enjoy vacationing in Quebec and listening to the French language spoken.

He goes on to discuss possibilities around spontaneous healing, which Dr. Weiss has seen occur time and time again (though by no means every single time). I was reminded of my own experience of seeing an intuitive, psychic, whathaveyou, and her telling me a story that felt like a massive punch in the gut. My friends who have to stretch far in the direction of suspending disbelief did their best to be supportive when I told them my lifelong (well, at least since I was a teenager) fear of being raped came not from an experience in this lifetime, but from being assaulted and left to die last time around. I apparently was around 23 when it happened.

In this life, at 23, I began an intense battle with candida overgrowth, which is often thought to be emotionally linked with sexual abuse or repression. Although it was by no means spontaneous healing, hearing what had happened to the body my soul last inhabited felt like skidding to a stop in the fight.

Why Not?

I can’t help but wonder whether or not it’s true, doesn’t it just feel better to think this one life isn’t all there is?

Photo: h.koppdelaney

That each of us have our ups and downs in order to get to a more evolved place? That those who seem to have so much in this life, and those who seem to have so little, will have their karma switched next time around?

That it’s not all for nought?

Interestingly, just as I was writing this piece, I came across a Huffington Post article by spiritual writer and psychologist Mariana Caplan. Titled 10 Spiritual Transmitted Diseases, she points out our often unconscious ways of spiritually bypassing the hard work we have to do throughout life to continue to grow. One STP struck me in particular:

Spiritual Pride: Spiritual pride arises when the practitioner, through years of labored effort, has actually attained a certain level of wisdom and uses that attainment to justify shutting down to further experience. A feeling of “spiritual superiority” is another symptom of this spiritually transmitted disease. It manifests as a subtle feeling that “I am better, more wise and above others because I am spiritual.”

So I can’t help but wonder, is my belief in more than just this life not only a way of surviving the hardships I face (and watch others handle in even larger quantities), but am I employing spiritual pride at the same time? I certainly can feel superior to those who think this is it, and feel sorry for the depression I can’t help but believe they harbor somewhere deep inside. Partly, this stems from my own past experiences of having a lack of something-to-believe-in. But is it also steeped in feeling better about myself, and my purpose, because I now do have something to believe in?

Maybe more importantly, how does this effect my interactions with the “others” who don’t believe the way I do?

Melbourne, contemplating my gratitude for paper

I woke up this morning feeling a bit bleech (and no, not from drinking too much last night). It was more of the world’s-caving-in variety. Eyebrows covered in sweat about finances, trying to determine exactly how I’m gonna pay some bills; the amount of work I need to get done in the next 10 days in order to pay a fraction of those bills; feeling the need to be out and social as a way of dealing with break-up, and yet that cuts into work-to-pay-bills time. Ugh.

So I decided it was time to try and turn around that ugly, downtrodden point-of-view real darn quick by completing a very simple task: writing down a list of simple things I’m grateful for. Gratitude lists are powerful stuff, and are probably the quickest way to get a perspective change. They don’t make everything a-ok!, but they do provide a dose of all the good stuff in your life that you can’t seem to see over the large piles of shit currently in front of you. Although mine didn’t quite get to where the money is going to come from, it certainly made this day a bit easier to face.

Here’s my list:

• My cat Greysey climbing across my chest and leaning his head on my shoulder
• That in my sometimes cold-even-in-the-summer apartment, I can turn the heat on (so many people in the world never have heat)
• My body is healthy, and can handle so much
• I can experience love, and heartbreak
• I can give love
• I am a powerful woman
• I have shelter, and won’t find myself on the street anytime soon
• I am strong
• Friends reach out to me in my time of need
• I have the ability to help others
• Anything is possible

Feel free to add one, two, or ten things you are grateful for in the comments below.

Photo: h.koppdelaney

Ever feel like there’s an unwanted part of you that is making decisions that is against your better self? A part that makes choices based from fear rather than from your own spiritual, and cerebral intellect?

Ever feel like it’s just NOT YOU who is in control of YOU? Through my developed awareness practice, understanding of consciousness (and unconsciousness), and wisdom of working with the body’s bacterial landscape, I discovered a phenomenon that I was fortunate enough to experience.

I have always understood the value of a person’s consciousness or Spirit (as defined in Traditional Chinese Medicine as that which expresses the life of an organism) in being a key element to a person’s health. The Spirit guides us, animates us, enkindles us, and gives us true satisfaction and passion in life. It is what is worth living for.

I have noticed within clients and individuals who have weak Spirits that something takes over them, not just behaviour, but physically as well. It’s as if the person begins ‘breaking down’ much like a plant does when taken out of sunlight. Self-destructive behavior within a person seems to manifest physical self-destructive organisms such as parasites.

I refer to parasites as any unwelcome organism that feeds on us, which includes Candida – a modern day epidemic which is increasingly gaining awareness and importance. I have found that improving one’s Spirit greatly decreases parasites, akin to killing mold by exposing it to sunshine.

When the Spirit is strong, there is no opportunity for parasites to thrive, self-honouring behaviour is apparent and no self-destructive habits, or organisms exist. Very simply, there is no struggle within, and joy, harmony, and ease can all be experienced.

Downward Spiral

Leading up to last Christmas, I felt the brightness of my Spirit wane, bad habits escalate, fear and worry develop, more sweets in my mouth, and consequently, the tell tale signs of parasitic infection: itchiness, cloudiness, feeling down, congestion, and sluggishness (very seriously, I see MANY people suffer from these ‘normal’, every day symptoms).

Photo: Leonid Mamchenkov

I had quite an infection while living in Japan several years ago, and couldn’t help but wonder if I just hadn’t fully shaken it yet, and if it just comes out when my Spirit is low. I struggled to get rid of it with a restrictive diet, strong medicinal herbs, and even clearing the energy of my house by burning some dried sage I saved from my garden.

Frustrated with minimal progress and the strong resistance of some other behaviour at work, I was blessed with Divine timing when I met an incredible healer in the first week of January. She’s earned a PhD in esoteric medicine, is a Doctor of Acupuncture and adept Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner, and the area’s finest past-life worker and energy healer. In one visit, the health of my being took a complete 180.

Without her knowing of my possible lingering parasites from Japan, she immediately told me that I had lingering entities from Japan that I had attracted and not shaken off. Being a ‘bright light’ spiritually meant an attraction from other non-physical entities that have simply been hanging around with me for years. I was astonished, but it made sense. She dismissed them and told them to go away – I felt it.

She also did a treatment on me to bring back my full Spirit. I felt that, very shockingly. I just simply came back – all my power and ‘being’ finally came back to me. Incredibly, from that day forward, I have not dealt with any parasite symptoms. They’re simply gone. My behaviour is clear, fear has diminished, I feel in control, present, strong and alive. Like the classic Greek definition of ‘parasite’, there is NO longer ’someone else eating at my table’.

True Collective Consciousness

Photo: h.koppdelaney

Knowing that any organism can posses a consciousness, and that we have 10 times more bacterial cells than human tissue cells, I realized that we are the collective consciousness of all these combined consciousnesses within us. If the hosts within us are against us (in the case of a parasite) then the entities/consciousnesses they host could very well be against us too.

This is probable, and felt this in my life before my work with this incredible healer. As though ‘it wasn’t me’ making decisions and feeling unnecessary worry that couldn’t be explained. A simple example is knowing that the parasite in me was choosing to eat sweets that I otherwise would not.

I consulted my mentor Paul Pitchford, author of Healing With Whole Foods,and his words gave me reassurance and greater perspective of the phenomenon:

Parasites in the ancient times were called “demons”… they work in tandem with each other and when you get thousands of one species in your body, then their pooled consciousness actually becomes quite potent and acts like a rather evolved entity.

When your spirit is strong, then your consciousness is strong and it isn’t as easily influenced by demonic influences. But when you’re weak, then the bad influences can ruin your life. Always keep the spirit strong and always nurture the yin [the physical health of your own organism].

Amazing. Since parasites and candida are a modern epidemic, wouldn’t it be incredible if the antidote to all this suffering (of the physical symptoms, but also the fear and destructive habits/behaviour that the modern person is plagued with) was simply to acknowledge and strengthen the Spirit within ourselves by letting our true selves shine? I have seen this at work in my practice, but hadn’t known the true depth behind it.

To follow the Spirit is a great task however, and a whole other topic, but the take-away message on that lesson from my own recent experience is to simply honour yourself, consequently surrendering the ego to the will of the Spirit that resides within us.

From a physical perspective – abstaining from sweet/sugary foods prohibits the growth of unwanted organisms, and there are many protocols to destroy and prevent them. But considering the recent explorations in parasite/consciousness connections, this all needs to be taken into account with the health of the Spirit.

Photo: DeusXFlorida

Listen Closely. I want to let you in on a big and very well kept health secret. Ready? Here it is. The active and deliberate pursuit of pleasure – and the ability to receive it – are essential ingredients in creating and maintaining optimal health. Please read that again. And take a moment to remember the last time you really soaked in something pleasurable.

I know, I know. You think you’re too busy to experience pleasure. Or maybe the thought of pursuing pleasure as an important goal makes you feel guilty (the term guilty pleasure comes to mind immediately, right?). Here’s the deal: most of us were brought up to believe the “no pain, no gain” theory of health. Me, too. It’s ingrained in our culture.

Last year I went to a Blue Angels air show at the Brunswick Naval Air Station. A Marine walked by me with the following message emblazoned on his T-shirt: “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” The subtext of this sentiment is that anything pleasurable is suspect and probably won’t get you anywhere. The “no pain, no gain” approach has its place.

We are all capable of far more than we think we are. And there’s nothing like a crisis to bring out the best in human nature. We all remember the teacher who refused to accept less than our best and therefore helped bring it out of us.

But there has to be a balance. Too much “no pain, no gain” without the much-needed presence of pleasure is a setup for disease and addiction – pure and simple. Here’s why: we are pleasure-seeking creatures by Divine design. Just watch a bunch of little kids playing and you’ll see the truth of this. Our organs work better when we’re happily pursuing pleasurable activities – or thinking pleasurable thoughts.

The Purpose of Pleasure

Pleasure is not only associated with better blood flow throughout the body, it’s also associated with higher levels of the neurotransmitter beta-endorphin – a naturally occurring morphine-like substance that dulls pain and induces a feeling of euphoria. Prolactin is another neurotransmitter that is also associated with pleasure. Like beta-endorphin, this natural substance is enhanced during pleasurable social interactions, while breastfeeding, and also during lovemaking.

Photo: juliejordanscott

When we follow a stressful lifestyle that’s devoid of regular pleasure, blood flow gets restricted throughout the brain and body – and our beta-endorphin and other neurotransmitter levels plummet. We’re left feeling depressed, sad, angry, or irritable as a result. So what do we do to get those levels back up fast? We reach for the quick fix of sugar, alcohol, coffee, cigarettes, or drugs (and we justify this behavior by telling ourselves we “deserve” that hot fudge sundae because we’ve worked so hard).

Imbibing the sugar, or alcohol, or nicotine does make us feel better for a short time by balancing our brain chemistry. The problem is that over time, the body requires more and more of these substances to give us the same “high.” And that’s how addiction and disease begins.

The bottom line is this: You cannot create the healthy sustainable beta-endorphin and blood flow levels that are associated with optimal health solely by taking mood-altering substances. The only way to achieve a feeling of optimal well-being within your body is by including regular doses of pleasure in your day-to-day life!

Here’s my step-by-step program to enhance your health through pleasure:

Step One: Make a commitment to your pleasure.

Understand that all sustainable pleasure requires discipline, courage, and practice. Why? Because we live in a pleasure-starved culture that worships pain and suffering. Some people even believe that suffering is holy. And nearly every one of us has been led to believe that suffering and martyrdom actually buys us something – that somehow it makes us better people.

No one leaves our planet without some pain and suffering. That’s for sure. But making pain and suffering a way of life – and being proud of it – does nothing but cause more pain and suffering. This has been called indulging in “negative pleasure.” Here’s an example: Have you ever worked in a job where everyone brags about how much work they have to do or how busy they are? Have you ever found yourself trying to “up” the ante of suffering by saying something like “You think you’ve got it bad? Listen to what happened to me. Last week my car broke down, I had to walk to work, and I still put in 12 hours?”

Follow your bliss
Photo: Pink Sherbet Photography

If you want more happiness and enjoyment in your life, you have to catch yourself indulging in “negative pleasure” and stop.

Step Two: Name your bliss and follow it.

To know sustainable pleasure, you must know what you desire – what lights you up! And you must also learn to trust those desires. I believe that our souls speak to us through our desires, and that we discover our unique gifts and talents only by allowing ourselves to follow our bliss.

After all, desire is what created our bodies in the first place. We were conceived with an orgasm – the entire universe started with a big bang.

Articulating your specific desires and then manifesting them uplifts the entire planet. Get as specific as possible. Make a list. Do you like sexy, red underwear? Then go get some. And wear it regularly. Do you like to begin your morning quietly with a cup of coffee and a little inspirational reading? Then get up five minutes earlier to indulge in this pleasure. Do you love massage? Make sure you get a massage at least once a month. And if you can’t afford it, exchange a back rub or foot rub with your spouse or a good friend on a regular basis. To add more pleasure to your life, write down a list of your desires. Have fun thinking about everything you like.

In his wonderful book The Power of Pleasure,Dr. Douglas Weiss points out that everyone has a unique pleasure blueprint – a specific way in which they experience pleasure.

Photo: spaceamoeba

For some, pleasure comes through thrill seeking. They adore fast cars and extreme sports. Life just isn’t fun without indulging this pleasure zone regularly. For others, gardening and digging in dirt is a primary pleasure zone. Others experience pleasure through service.

One of my primary pleasure zones is taking a hot bath each evening. Whenever I travel, I insist on staying in a place that has a tub. I also love going to movies in theaters where I can get lost in the experience (and I’m not distracted by the phone or the lure of “multi-tasking,” which happens when I watch movies at home).

Step Three: Schedule pleasure into your life with the same regularity as you would brushing your teeth.

Married couples who hire a babysitter and have regular “dates” each week, for example, find far more joy and pleasure in their relationship than couples who don’t take the time to enjoy the pleasure of each other’s company.

Step Four: Pleasure begins with your thoughts. Pay attention to them.

Change the ones that aren’t pleasurable the minute you notice them (remember, this is a discipline that takes practice). Here’s why this is so important. Thought plus emotion equals belief. Your beliefs are what create your reality and your state of health. Beliefs, which are felt primarily in the heart, transmute the invisible realm of spirit into the particles that make up matter.

Every thought you think creates a specific biochemical reaction in your body and also attracts specific events into your life. And guess what? When human DNA (that’s been isolated) is in the presence of positive emotions it begins to relax and unwind. Then it begins to create another molecule that is, itself, conceived in pleasure, appreciation, and love.

Try out this thought: “I am a highly desirable, sexy woman.”

How does that thought feel in your body? Good, right?

Now contrast how that feels with this thought: “I am a middle-aged woman whose best years are behind her. It’s too late for me to feel sexy or happy.”

Which thought is associated with better blood flow and more “feel good” chemicals? I’m sure you know it’s the first.

Your power to live a pleasurable, prosperous life lies in your willingness to focus your attention on thoughts, people, places, and events that are joyful, fun, sexy, and uplifting.

Step Five: Expect resistance.

The minute you decide to bring more pleasure and joy into your life, resistance will show up. Expect this. It’s a good sign!

When grief or sadness shows up, feel them for a bit and then do something pleasurable. Call a friend, watch a good movie, or get out and take a walk. You want to do something to move energy, something that feels better.

To create more pleasure in your life, you actually have to feel pleasure of some kind. Stop right now. Caress your hand with your other hand in a way that feels pleasurable. There. You’ve done it. You’ve created pleasure. Now do your feet. If you want to take it higher, put on some great music and dance around the room. That automatically increases pleasure – and also helps prevent cardiovascular disease and can burn fat!

Grieve your losses and let go regularly. You have to feel it to heal it. Every loss that isn’t grieved fully stays with us. Time doesn’t heal these losses. They wait for us to feel them and release them. We don’t get over them until we really grieve.

Anger is often a cover-up for loss and grief. It’s easier to be angry with someone or at someone than to feel sadness.

When we really grieve, forgive, and let go, we begin to recover who we really are. And then the miracle happens: more light comes into our lives than we could ever have imagined before. And we’re able to feel even more pleasure.

Step Six: Spread pleasure around and you’ll receive even more.

One of the most meaningful and Divinely pleasurable things I’ve done in the past year is both teach at and participate in Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts in New York City. My daughters have joined me in this transformational work, which my sister-in-law calls “personal growth on steroids for women.”

Photo: See-ming Lee 李思明 SML

Mama Gena (aka Regena Thomashauer) has created a curriculum that teaches women how to use pleasure to transform the world. We all know the old adage, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Well, the opposite is also true. When women are happy, everyone is uplifted and happy!

One of the core concepts of the School of Womanly Arts is the amazing power of women to uplift and approve of each other (you won’t find any backbiting or jealous put-downs there). As a result of my experiences at Mama Gena’s, I now realize the incredible value of openly appreciating another woman (or man).

So when I see something about a woman (or man) that is pleasing to me – I tell them! If I see a woman waiting in line or walking down the street and her dress or her hair or her jewelry is pleasing to me, I let her know. I make every effort to reward beauty and pleasure wherever I see it, because I know what I pay attention to expands. The same goes for men and children. The more pleasure you spread around, the more you feel yourself.

Final Thoughts

Here’s my final advice on pleasure: You were issued one body when you were conceived. It’s your duty to attend to this particular portion of living matter in a way that uplifts, celebrates, and comforts it. But it’s not your job to figure out how to do this for anyone except yourself. What a relief! Now can’t you just feel your beta-endorphin levels rising – and your blood flow increasing just from that thought alone?

When you take care of yourself with pleasure, your influence creates a standing wave of joy and pleasure that goes out from you and affects all living things on this planet. The world is depending upon your happiness, your joy, your pleasure. You have nothing to lose by following your bliss except your suffering. And when your own suffering decreases, the suffering of the whole world lessens. You’ll probably lose a few extra pounds, too!

This information is not intended to treat, diagnose, cure, or prevent any disease. 
All material in this article is provided for educational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you have regarding a medical condition, and before undertaking any diet, exercise, or other health program.

© Christiane Northrup, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.

Yep, I’m a huge proponent of sleep. I’m not joking – two nights in a row of only six or seven hours of the zzz’s leaves Christine a very broken, and more than willing to break something over your head, person.

I’m more of a 8-to-9er. Caffeine only breaks my adrenals down further when I haven’t gotten enough sleep, so never mind trying to get good work outta me if my head didn’t stay on that pillow from 11pm-7:30am. That’s part of what this new wave feminism argument is getting at: women can work smarter if they get enough sleep, instead of working longer hours in order to fit into the ever elusive Boy’s Club.

Ok, I can dig it. But Naomi Wolf, one of my favorite female voices of reason, makes a darn good point:

The pair [Arianna Huffington and Cindi Leive] make a persuasive case that female exhaustion is undermining women’s creativity, judgment, and relationships. If we sleep more, they argue, women will become more powerful…[but] shouldn’t there also be voices calling for us simply to do less?

Oh, and how I continue to love her so – she GETS it:

At these [high-powered] luncheons, there is not a woman who is not sensational-looking — in a very labour-intensive way. Heads of corporations, political leaders and innovators are usually in attendance: their hair spectacularly highlighted (that’s three hours every six weeks) and usually blown out (20 minutes every other day); their clothes are divine; and man, are these chicks toned. Their bodies speak of hours in the gym or on the yoga mat. They run business empires, they decide the fates of nations — and they have the kind of bodies you get only if you are on the treadmill at 5am. And they are outperforming expectations in the deliverables of their private lives as well.

I get exhausted just reading about it.

Every once in a while, I contemplate what it must mean to be a truly powerful woman in our culture. These days, looks are not an option for strong women, as they may have been during the time of say, Eleanor Roosevelt. They are necessary now, along with intelligence, wit, charm, a tight body (and wrinkle-free face), not to mention being motherly, sisterly, technologically savvy, and a yoga-goddess-grounded-meditator. Who the hell has time for sleep?

THAT is the problem. We just keep ramping it up. Do more, be more, the wheels spin ever faster and the mouse has to move her legs quicker just to not-really keep up. What end are we searching for?

Back to the sleep question. Sleep is good. It not only revives you, but actually restores you. It literally makes you healthy, and if you don’t get enough of it, your chances of being struck with just about every disease out there increases ten-fold, including heart disease, diabetes, obesity and depression in kids, and cancer. Yeah, our bodies get tired for a reason – they need a revival!

Whether this is a feminist issue (I’m down with that argument), or just a health issue in general, upping the anti on just about everything is not the best thing for our bodies. Maybe the question needs to be re-framed from whether getting more sleep will give us more juice to work harder when we’re awake. Instead, we might ponder whether more sleep gives us a chance to be more present with the people in our lives, enjoy relaxing moments more, and allows us to simply step more deeply into each moment.

I feel a nap coming on.

Photo: Ellen Munro

Rules. They really are so passé, aren’t they? Especially when it comes to really and truly living life to its fullest.

I love all of the positive beauty spinning around that seems to step it up a notch every single day (yet don’t forget feeling negative or depressed is a necessary part of being human, and is extremely valid – don’t try and push it away). Reminders are a grand thing, especially when they remind you to get just a little bit closer to the value of you.

On that note, I thoroughly enjoyed this video about the importance of fun (how dare they!) that a friend recently posted on Facebook:

In case you didn’t take notes, I want to quickly outline their eight principles of fun, and add some of my own defining perspectives. This is one of the best video summations of what I have found over the past couple of years to be the necessary “rules” to actually enjoying life, work, and relationships.

• 1. Stop hiding who you really are.

  We are born open-minded, excited about life and every little creature and critter that passes our way. We don’t lie, we don’t try to hide our mangled fingernails or our desire to snag that cookie right out from under the smelly-boy’s hands. We are free, and just as we reach that peak of freedom as children, we are taught freedom isn’t acceptable. We can’t say what we want, we can’t do what we want, we have to fit into a mold defined by someone else – our parents, our teachers, our friends. We spend the next 20 years perfecting this “perfect” self, only to end up in therapy for 10 years trying to unwind that wound-up, frustrated and disconnected self.

  It’s time to connect to what you love – and what you are supposed to do – in this life. It will be hard. You will fall flat on your face. You will get hurt. But as you get closer to that which you are destined for, your heart sings with the raw and previously untouched emotion of completely, totally, and absolutely loving life. I promise you – it’s guaranteed.

  If not now, when?



Photo: ☼emmaphotos

• 2. Start being intensely selfish.

  We take issue with being selfish in Western culture. The more I learn about true happiness, the more I realize how screwed up we are around this idea of selfishness, mostly because our ideas of being selfish center around material things. Wanting a lot of stuff for ourselves is not really selfish – it is a person trying to fill a void. True selfishness is about feeding your spirit: with love, with connection, with work that fulfills you, with rest and rejuvenation, and just a little bit (or a lot) more love.

  It really is an undeniable fact that you need to give to yourself before you can truly give to anyone else. Just today, I had a conversation about working in the social justice world, which I did for most of my 20s. Participating in this work often requires (or seems to) giving up care for the self in order to fight for the rights of others. There are countless instances of working overtime without pay, coming in on weekends, low wages, no healthcare, and back-breaking dedication to the non-profit world, usually without question.

  It wasn’t until the end of my tenure in this sector that I finally started to get it – maybe the work of many social justice organizations would go a lot farther if those who worked within them put themselves first. Most people within this field crack sooner or later, and just burn out. What good does that do for them or the people they have been working for in the long run? Nada.

  True selfishness rocks.

• 3. Stop following the rules.

  Yes! This is certainly where rules should be seen as passé – they are soooo 20th century America, don’t you think? This is where getting rid of all that stuff you were taught as a child and young adult is put to the test; can you stop doing what you are supposed to be doing? Can you stop falling in line at work because you have a family and you are worried about getting fired? Can you start that blog in your “free” (i.e. specifically set aside) time and make it successful even though there are a zillion other blogs out there? Can you make your music, play your basketball, take those photographs, educate others on the positive psychological benefits of roshambo? You gotta stop listening to people that say you can’t, you won’t, you don’t. You gotta break free of those constraints.

  You gotta say, “Hell yeah, I not only kick ass, I also take names.”

• 4. Start scaring yourself.
  Do something that scares the living shit out of you to even contemplate.

  Ask that random hot girl or guy at the coffee shop out. Dig out that poem you wrote 10 years ago and submit it to a magazine. Make love in a Burger King bathroom, living up to Digital Underground’s memories. Point is, do something that scares the living shit out of you to even contemplate, but gives you a mad rush at the same time. That is LIVING.

  And who knows, if you kiss them, they may even kiss you back.

• 5. Stop taking it all so damn seriously.

  Seriously, it’s not that serious. I need to tell myself this over and over again. Probably my biggest trigger is around romantic endeavors, and I’m always so damn worried that I’m going to show my interest to someone who isn’t interested, or lead someone on to whom I’m not attracted. I can’t tell you how much energy and brain power has gone into this area in my life; it really is a bit ridiculous. So what if that guy I’m panting over isn’t interested? He’s gonna forget about me tomorrow, and I probably will too. If I’ve accidentally given a guy the wrong impression, and he gets his ego bruised when I fend off his advances, what does that really matter? Um, not a damn bit.

  This goes way beyond sexy liaisons – it really is the case for all of life in general. Step back for a moment, give it a ponder, and realize it’s only life after all.



Photo: jonrawlinson

• 6. Start getting rid of the crap.

  This means more than just the old backpacks and Christmas boxes stored in the garage (or piles and piles of paper clips, post it notes, and thumbtacks. Damn office supplies…the bane of my existence). To me, more than anything, it means getting rid of what holds you back, especially that ugly old belief system about yourself. You know the one that constantly yells you are not enough – not sexy enough, not smart enough, not capable of taking care of everything you need to take care of. Cause get what? You can. You can actually do it all, and do it well. It just takes some time to integrate all your fabulousness, plus that dose of love, love, love for all that you are, even, and most especially, when you aren’t living up to what or who you think you should be.

  Really, absolute fabulousness.

• 7. Stop being busy.

  Sigh…”but being busy makes me feel successful and fulfilled!” What happens when the busyness is gone (at some point, in all of our lives, it will be)? The fear sets in. The fear that we are no longer worthy because we aren’t busy being, well, busy.

  Meditate. Fer reals.

• 8. Start something.

  As long as you love it, whatever you do will be a success. It will take time, it will take patience, it will drive you to the ends of the Earth with annoyances and it will make you cry with both pain and pleasure.

  JUST DO IT.

Another video to leave you with, one that exemplifies why we should have fun in this life, and not hold on too tight to anything:

When it comes down to it, what do we know?

Winter wonderland, otherwise known as my backyard

I’m feeling pretty lazy at the moment, and to the guilt that slowly creeps in every 10 minutes or so, I say “I’m not gonna take it anymore!”

This is the point of holidays – setting aside days without a to-do list ruling every moment, days that can mean wonderful conversations with loved ones, or just sitting on the couch, lazily checking emails, E!online, King of Queens in the background.

Biltmore Estate, Asheville, NC

Movement

Greysey's not up for being confined

I know I will get up for that walk soon. I know I’ll make it over to my parents in enough time.

But for this moment, I can sit with my feet in front of the space heater, nibble on leftovers from last night, sip on some green tea, and thank the universe for my life.

What’s worth doing right this very moment for you? Think about it; the answer may surprise you.

Sweet Laziness

Snow doggie from next door

I hope you can take a few moments to just be lazy during this holiday season.

And I want to thank you so much for supporting Living Holistically…with a sense of humor this year. I hope it has supported you in more ways than one.

You all have taught me so much with your thoughts and feedback; please, keep them coming.

What’s Next

Next year, there will be even more wonderful content, and a few surprises, from which to choose as you continue your path to living the best, most fun, humor-filled life you can.

Happy Holidays! With lots of love and gratitude,

Christine

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It's snowing somewhere

We find ourselves at that point of the year. You know, the busy, insane part that ends up looking like sitting in traffic to get the presents bought and dragging ourselves to every last holiday party even though we hit our breaking point on December 2nd.

Funniest thing about all these shenanigans is that it’s actually just about the best time of the year to sit and reflect. I believe, even as I book my tickets for 85 Xmas themed events over the next five days, that this is the true point of December/Winter/New Year’s. But somewhere along the way, we lost that innate tendency to reflect as our lives, and desires, took over. Some of us (my generation, ahem) have never known it any other way.

Which is why, when I received two little gifts of stimulating questions on Friday, coupled with a piece I wrote at BNT several weeks ago about developing a personal manifesto, I looked up at the sky and said, “ok, I get it.” Time to ponder 2009, and slowly and gently bring it to a close.

Friendly ghosts of holiday seasons past

Although the two gifts I received are seemingly different – one is from the Superhero Journal and is simply titled, A Completion Ritual for 2009, and the other is from Tripbase, via my friend and colleague Lola Akinmade, asking for my top three travel secrets – they seemed to meld together in a way for me that made sense to combine the two as a reflection of my year of Superherodom and Travel.

We all have a superhero in us, and a lust for travel, whether that be in lands far off, or simply within our families, towns, and selves. Do yourself a favor and set aside some time to do this little ritual. It will make 2010 all that more clear for you.

Completion Ritual

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2009?

I created a website (along with some help) that I love. I became a part of Brave New Traveler and the fantastic, always inspiring Matador team. I performed freestyle for the first time. I learned how to feel my feelings, but also watch myself feeling my feelings at the same time – big difference. I helped create a writing group, Kanimoch, and put on our first event, For the Hullabaloo of It (which was a raging success, in my humble opinion). I was approached about hosting a holistic health show. I pushed some boundaries around sex and intimacy. I began meditating regularly again.

Photo: The Naked Artisan

I performed the crazy and intense choreography of one of my favorite routines since the 9th grade, If (Janet Jackson), on a Sebastopol club stage, the freezing back deck at Mission Rock on the San Francisco Bay at midnight, and on the Tribal Fest stage in front of a roomful of amazing dancers from all over the world. I sold half my stuff, stored the other half in my friend’s storage unit, tucked my cat at another friend’s apartment, and took off. I saw old friends, many of which I hadn’t seen for years. I forgave them. I forgave myself. I wrote for many other wonderful blogs, including Dream Studies and Mooky Chick, and for Conscious Dancer magazine. I was lucky enough to have many wonderful people write for my webzine. I set up shop in Asheville (for the moment). I spent more time outside during the month of August in Truckee than any August since childhood. I lived with my parents for three weeks and none of us killed each other. I stuck up for myself in a friendship that was painful for me. I let go of someone I think I loved.

2. What is there to grieve about 2009?

I faced money issues (and am still fighting to face them) that are extremely uncomfortable for me, especially since I haven’t really had money problems in the past. I didn’t push myself hard enough around changing those money issues.

I felt alone. I never think my dancing is good enough. I’m still late most of the time. I realized that a romantic relationship wouldn’t heal my wounds, but I have hindered myself from both having one and deep connections with others. I still can’t seem to get a handle on something that might have happened as a child that I don’t fully remember. A couple of close friendships are ending. I look at others in my field and think they are so far ahead of me and wonder, why don’t I have the energy to do as much as they do? Will I ever? I sometimes feel like I ran away, and I will always run away. I didn’t make it to all the places I wanted to go, because I have yet to figure out how people actually balance travel and work. I looked at my friends marriages and kids and instead of feeling a pang of “I want that” I felt pangs of “Why don’t I want that?” I let go of someone I think I loved.

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

2009, you, my friend, were a wonderful building year. Without you, I wouldn’t know who I am, and you made that time between 2008 and 2010 that much more…um…buildinger. No, seriously, it was sweet.

Now, PEACE!

I declare 2009 complete…2010 is my year of being badass! (in a gentle, loving kind of way).

Three Travel Secrets

Above the Truckee River, a few minutes from downtown

1. Truckee, CA is kind of a love. Especially if you are a single, straight woman. I’m just saying.

Yes, it’s a horrible name. But besides that, it’s an amazing little hideaway off of I-80, with trees and water everywhere. Hiking right behind the house. Truckee River down the street for a perfect afternoon of sitting on a rock and letting the water come up to your knees, meditating on the tiny, rippling waves. Drinking beers (or other, gluten-free, beverages) as you float in a big, ridiculously expensive raft (but worth it) from Tahoe City toward Truckee. My favorite Mexican restaurant ever (I know, surprising) that serves up some seriously good flautas. An actual cheap and long-lasting rejuvenation option just 20 miles over the mountain at Sierra Hot Springs. And yeah, of course, it’s got that whole skiing thing happening in the winter for those of you into that sort of thing.

Ok, must stop before everyone moves there.

Ok, it's not the Castro one
Photo: calmenda

2. I’m not sure how secret this is if you live anywhere in the SF Bay Area, but hands down my favorite place for tea, yummy healthy food from around the globe, and sitting for hours, chatting with friends or typing away on a computer, is Samovar Tea Lounge. The one in the Castro, no doubt. Oh my God, I’m having Masala Chai tea pangs just thinking about it.

3. Sure, Asheville, NC gets all the love. Deservedly so, but there are certainly quite a few little towns in my home state (though far, far away from my hometown) that make this place worth settling into, for at least a little while. Necessity, and a bit of luck, got me to check out Black Mountain, about 20 miles east of Asheville. This funky, new-age-meets-Billy-Graham little town has a great mix of people, plenty of stores with crystals and homemade, organic soaps, all while having a Christian college up the street (and literally, Billy Graham’s retreat center just a few miles away).

Jollying it up in Black Mountain

I love the feel of working around the artists that call this mountainous village their home. I’ve only been here for less than a month, so still have a lot to explore. But running around the shops at the yearly Holly Jolly festival, chatting with the fun (and cute – but young) male baristas at the Dripolator, and taking in a show at the White Horse (where they actually have tables you can sit at! Good for my wary, almost 31-year-old feet) makes the place all that much warmer.

Ok, I trust that you won’t spread these secrets far and wide.

Your Turn

If you take on the challenge to close out 2009, looking back at your life, your travels, your ups and downs for the year, please come back and share it here, along with the Superhero Journal and Tripbase!

Here’s to a beautiful, fruitful, loving, and hope-filled new year…

Editor’s note: Several months ago, I wrote a piece at Brave New Traveler called Quitters Unite: The Joys Of Complaint-Free Travel about Will Bowen, a minister in Kansas City, Missouri who challenged his congregation to go 21 consecutive days without complaining. Bowen’s story struck a cord with Matador Trips co-editor Carlo Alcos, who decided, along with his wife, to take the complaint-free life challenge. Now, a colleague, friend, and all around inspirational woman, Trudy Totty, has taken the idea to a whole new level with a “Whine-Free Week.” Here’s her story of how her Thanksgiving week (notorious for pitfalls and annoyances) went.

Complaining doesn't look good on you, people
Photo: William A. Franklin

I’ve been creating and doing these weird life experiments with myself for decades and this one is the most powerful so far. I’m re-upping for another week and am inviting you to join me. It was way different than what I expected.

Day 4 kicked my…well my head really, but I can’t deny the results:

• Loads more energy (quadrupled my hiking & started running…both unplanned)
• More true connection with those close to me
• A more real, solid, & expanded sense of self
• The very cool sense of having cleared out the junk drawer in my head

This is not at all about being perky or fake, just letting those automatic judgments pass on through instead of knitting them into a sweater to wear – or if you are a geek like me, it means giving them a neutral value instead of a negative one.

My energy continues to increase (with the exception of late Day 3/early Day 4). Still hiking and enjoying the newly acquired running. I jog the few blocks to the grocery store and walk back instead of getting in my car now. Went dancing on Friday and am generally grooving around the house.

The BIG difference is the almost complete lack of the word “should” in my vocabulary or my head. Before trying the Whine-Free Week, I had much resistance to certain kinds of action. I see now that enormous amounts of my energy were going into coaxing, cajoling, badgering and scaring myself into doing what I “should” do. No wonder I was both weary and rebellious.

Notable by their nearly complete absence this week are worry, anxiety, feeling rushed, and defensiveness. This plays out in my relationships as more intimacy/real heart connection, fondness, playfulness, humor o’plenty and shared joy, especially in my closest relationships. I’m more grateful for this deepening love than I can begin to express.

The meta-difference is a relaxed awareness that is completely new. The closest I’ve known to this is a long, loungy vacation or retreat, but now there is none of that underlying anxiety of soon going back to “real life.” Along with the newly minted relaxed awareness is what appears to be natural motivation, but honestly it is still so atypical, so foreign that I’m hesitant to say much more until I explore it further.

I feel almost embarrassed at my own eagerness to complete previously avoided/whined about tasks. Will I become annoying? Is it, gasp, already too late? Don’t answer that.

My Process

Days 1 & 2: More awareness, playfully catching myself whining; interesting to see how it plays out in my interactions with others and inside my own head.

Photo: marko bajlovic

Late Day 3: Slowly at first, an assortment of barnacled old dissatisfactions, complaints, disagreements, and ancient self-criticisms begin to float up to the surface of my awareness and whisper, coax, and eventually bellow for my attention and agreement.

Day 4: Once again, I wake with the opera of what’s not working rising to full crescendo in my head, a heaviness in my body and wanting to hide under the covers and eat potato chips and chocolate and surf the internet until it passes. Once again I opt to not dip into my cornucopia of possible distractions and just (just?) hang with the discomfort in noticing-and-feeling-but-not-diving-into-the-compost-bin sort of way.

Having the container of a single week helps, knowing that this is an experiment, there is a beginning and an end, and yeah, I could quit if I need to but what the hell, it’s only a few more days. Also I’m finding much value in this parallel play approach and I hope you are too. Thank you for the buddy system.

I’ve read that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. I haven’t done enough research to know if it that is true but I do know that this simple Whine-Free Week practice done imperfectly is bringing me better results than the assorted workshops and therapy I’ve done. Twenty-one days seems like a long time for my brain at the moment, but I’m game for one more week and then we’ll see.

Overview Thoughts

I’m surprised that this week’s process followed a very similar pattern as my solo Whine-Free Week. I tried to approach it fresh, without expectation, but I did notice in myself a bit of, “Oh, I’ve done this, I’ve got it figured out, everything is fixed now.” That lasted about half a minute.

There was also a bit of “What does it mean, if anything, that in less than 24 hours all these people have signed up to participate?” Fortunately, all of you opting in was unexpected and serendipitous enough that I was able just stay curious and take it a step at a time, rather than wander off into one of the twin cul-de-sacs of cockiness or insecurity.

Interested in following this week’s Whine-Free Week process? Check out the Whine-Free Facebook page.