Photo: David Reece

Change…life is full of it. Changes we choose and changes we don’t. Changes we feel happy about and changes we would rather live without.

Photo:faeryboots *on a mini-vacation!*

One of the areas of life that people are frequently inspired to make change is around health, and for good reason. It turns out that our health habits (eating, drinking, smoking, exercise, and even our spiritual practices) account for at least 50% of how healthy we are, more than environment and genetics combined.

Fantastic, right? This means that if we can make changes in these areas, we can actually have an incredible impact on how we feel.

Why then is it so hard for us to cut out the sugar, ditch the cigarettes, start that yoga practice or consistently commit to a jog in the park? If you’ve ever “failed” a diet, retired those still-in-the-box running shoes to the back of the closet, or “fallen off the wagon,” keep reading…it may have more to do with how you approach change than any lack of motivation on your part.

Big Changes=Big Disappointments

Let’s first take a look at an all too common experience when trying to change a health habit. You know that feeling of hope when you have decided to make that “big” change? You probably have well thought out plans, like 5am trips to the gym, designated meals, a cupboard full of Nicorette or a map of the closest support groups. Or you might just feel a sense of fierce willpower that will guide you to success.

A week or two goes by and you’re feeling good – great even. “This time, it is really happening,” you think. You feel so much better already, how could you possibly turn back now?

And then, it happens. You have a stressful conversation or your car gets towed, and you simply cannot eat one more carrot stick. As hard as you try to muscle through the urge, screaming at yourself in your head, you know that nothing will give you the same sense of relief as indulging in your old habit.

Photo: nyki_m

You tell yourself you deserve it because it’s been a hard day, week, month. So you give up the fight, and it feels great – that is, until it turns ugly. And by ugly, I mean the self-recrimination and feeling of failure, often starting with the thought, “see, I knew I couldn’t do it!”

You feel weak, pathetic, and that you should never have gotten your hopes up. The sense of self-defeat causes another cycle of needing to console yourself, with cigarettes, food, alcohol. Sound familiar?

If this has ever happened to you, or happened many times, you’re not alone. As it turns out, the overall success rates for “traditional” health behavior change programs are not so hot. The success rate of smoking cessation programs is between 10-25%, and the long term failure rate of most standard weight loss programs is greater than 95%.

The problem is not your goal, or your lack of motivation. The problem has to do with how we view our health habits and our expectations around how to get “rid of them.” Traditional health behavior modification programs have taught us that all we need to do set a goal in mind, get motivated, take certain steps, muscle through resistance, and then we’ll win.

Rarely does it work that way. There are some important reasons why trying to change is so hard. And until we look deeper into our health habits, why we have them and how we are trying to change them, we are likely to keep “falling off the wagon.”

Three reasons you might face challenges when trying to change a health habit:

Photo: nonofarahshila

1) Your motivation may be coming from outside yourself.
In many cases, we try to make changes because someone in our lives told us we need to. This often comes from well-meaning health care providers, family or friends, but not necessarily from ourselves. Did your doctor, mother, or best friend tell you that you should stop smoking or drop a few pounds? Personal motivation is rarely genuine when it comes from others telling us we should be different, and can even cause us to rebel.

What you can do: Ask yourself why?
A good place to start is by asking yourself why you want to make this change. Is it because you feel some external pressure to be or look different? Or is it because you feel a certain internal motivation to make yourself feel better? If you are motivated by your own sense of well-being, you are much more likely to be able to move toward your goal. If the motivation is not coming from you, you might want to rethink whether this is a goal you actually want to pursue.

2) You may have a Competing Goal
Over our lifetime, we make many decisions about what is important to us and how we want our lives to be. In How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work, authors Kegan and Lahey explain that, “For every commitment we genuinely hold to bring about some important change, there is another commitment we hold that has the effect of preventing the change.” When you experience resistance towards making a change, it may actually be the resurgence of a prior commitment that conflicts with your current goal. For example, you may previously have decided to be more social and smoking cigarettes or having cocktails helps you get out and be around people. Consciously or unconsciously, you may feel that quitting drinking or smoking will compete with your attempts to be social.

Photo: theotherway

What you can do: Look at the Whole Picture
Have you set goals in the past that conflict with this current goal? On a piece of paper, create a four column list with the headings: “My current goal,” “Prior goals that may compete with this goal,” “Ways that I can meet both goals,” “Which goal is more important to me now?” It’s possible that by recognizing competing goals that you can find a way to work towards both, and if not, you can see which goal feels more important to currently pursue.

3) You are probably Taking Care of Yourself
Most health habits have very powerful self-soothing qualities. We eat our favorite foods, drink alcohol and smoke because they feel good to us. These behaviors are often very compelling and difficult to change because they so effectively soothe or distract when we are stressed or in pain. So trying to remove these enjoyable behaviors from one’s life can feel restrictive, painful, and even frightening.

What you can do: Add before you Subtract
This is one of the most powerful pieces of advice on making change that I have heard. My doctor once told me that she always encourages her clients to add new, more health promoting, behaviors before subtracting a “bad” behavior. This way we don’t feel as punished and restricted, having something positive to lean on when we need support.

What you can do: Reframe how you think about the habit
Understand that most times, we are doing our best to take care of ourselves. If we can stop looking at these behaviors as “bad” and realize that they come from our own good intentions, we may feel less of a need to punish ourselves. After self-acceptance comes the ability to choose another activity which can lead to better health.

So next time you’re feeling ready to banish the chocolate, become a yogi, or toss the smokes, first applaud yourself for your initiative to move towards a healthier life. Then sit down and ask yourself a few questions. Take a good look at the whole picture of your life and get to know your health habits a little better.

Shifting our perspective on how to change these habits may give us a chance to understand ourselves more deeply. It may also give us a more realistic and enjoyable shot at making these changes last.