Ever feel like there’s an unwanted part of you that is making decisions that is against your better self? A part that makes choices based from fear rather than from your own spiritual, and cerebral intellect? Ever feel like it’s just NOT YOU who is in control of YOU? Through my developed awareness practice, understanding of consciousness (and unconsciousness), and wisdom of working with the body’s bacterial landscape, I discovered a phenomenon that I was fortunate enough to experience. I have always understood the value of a person’s consciousness or Spirit (as defined in Traditional Chinese Medicine as that which expresses the life of an organism) in being a key element to a person’s health. The Spirit guides us, animates us, enkindles us, and gives us true satisfaction and passion in life. It is what is worth living for.

In my experience, there are two groups of people who really, truly love to talk enthusiastically about their bowel functions for hours on end: preschoolers, and people doing a detox cleanse. While I’ve never had an amazing must-tell-the-world experience in this arena, I do agree that if you’re going to do a cleanse, you need to be able to talk poo with your doctor (if no one else). Think of it like the scoreboard at a baseball stadium, in a game of you versus the undesirables. If you don’t keep an eye on your stats, you won’t play your best game.

Listen Closely. I want to let you in on a big and very well kept health secret. Ready? Here it is. The active and deliberate pursuit of pleasure – and the ability to receive it – are essential ingredients in creating and maintaining optimal health. Please read that again. And take a moment to remember the last time you really soaked in something pleasurable. I know, I know. You think you’re too busy to experience pleasure. Or maybe the thought of pursuing pleasure as an important goal makes you feel guilty (the term guilty pleasure comes to mind immediately, right?). Here’s the deal: most of us were brought up to believe the “no pain, no gain” theory of health. Me, too. It’s ingrained in our culture.

Punxsutawney Phil may have foretold “six more weeks of winter” on February second, but in the San Francisco Bay Area, Spring is always alive and kicking by mid February. Bougainvilleas are one among many blooms, dotting green and fragrant hills. People’s thoughts turn to gardening, spring training and flip flop fashion. My own sign of Spring fever? I start scanning the calendar for an optimal three-week chunk of time in which to do a detox cleanse.

Tubes. I will never get used to the tubes. Not in the beginning, not ever. Tubes into his nose, tubes into his mouth. Tubes taped to his arm, disappearing into his wrists. Tubes for food and nutrients, tubes for medicine and morphine, tubes for oxygen. Something beside his bed keeps going beep beep beep and fluid trickles from under his gown each time. Jesus. beep beep beep. And tubes that are shoved into his dick and go beep beep beep each time a little piss passes through. Do I really need that? Is that necessary? Who’s fucking idea was it to have the tube crammed into my dads urethra? beep. Not a situation I want sound effects for. The beep screams ”your dad is hooked up to a machine, a machine that pisses for him! Shall I remind you of that fact over and over?”